FOR RICHER OR POORER
Part Two
Autolycus entered the
main dining hall and found it empty, save for Princess Damara, who was just
finishing her breakfast. "Where is everyone? Or is cook serving that awful
gruel again?" he asked, kissing her on the cheek and then sitting down
next to her.
"Cook is serving
his famous breakfast gruel," she conceded with a grin as a servant brought
Auto a big, steaming bowl of the stuff, "but Vantys was here, nursing a
terrible cold, until a few minutes ago, and James was, too, until he went to
fetch your aunt and cousin. We were having the most lovely conversation and I
was telling him all about Arcadia's traditions and how I was looking forward to
wearing the Star of Arcadia at our wedding when he suddenly excused himself to
get your relatives."
Auto's face turned an
unhealthy shade of green, but Damara attributed it to the gruel, rather than to
what she had told him.
"Are you all
right, dear Autokins?" she asked, suddenly concerned. "You don't look
very well at all."
"I, uh, I'll be
fine, my little sausage," he said quickly. "I just remembered that I
need to--" He started to rise but stopped short when Xena's voice rang
through the hall.
"You need to
what, Auto?" she demanded, smiling broadly as she swept into the hall,
followed by Gabrielle and James.
"Slit my
throat," he mumbled quietly, sinking back into his chair.
"What was that,
dear-heart?" the Princess asked.
"Er, get my
coat," he replied. "It's a bit chilly."
"Nonsense,"
said Xena, putting her arm around his shoulders and squeezing them painfully
together, "it's a gorgeous day! The sun is shining and birds are singing
and love is in the air. Isn't it, dear nephew?" She released his shoulders
and grabbed his cheeks.
"Right you are,
Auntie Philomena," he said with as much of a smile as he could manage in
his pain.
"Besides, I
thought you and I could spend the day together, seeing the sights of the city,
while Mavis and Princess Damara get better acquainted," she continued,
ruffling his hair. "Doesn't that sound peachy?" Her eyes were
flashing angrily and Auto swallowed hard as he nodded in reluctant agreement.
"Excellent. We'll leave after breakfast. What's on the menu,
Princess?"
"Please, we're
practically family; call me Damara," she said pleasantly. "As for the
menu, cook has prepared his special breakfast gruel. Autokins doesn't seem to
care for it, nor did James, but I find it delightful!"
Xena and Gabrielle
wrinkled their noses discreetly when servants set down steaming bowls of grayish
muck in front of them.
"It smells
delicious," Gabrielle said unenthusiastically.
"Dig in,
cousin," said Auto with a smirk.
"You've still
got a lot left in your bowl, cousin," she pointed out.
The King of Thieves
frowned. "Great Zeus! A harpy!" he exclaimed, pointing at the
opposite end of the room. When everyone turned to look, he quickly dumped his
gruel into Gabrielle's bowl.
"I don't see
anything unusual," Xena said suspiciously.
"Just a trick of
the light," Auto shrugged, pretending to scrape his bowl clean. "You
were right, my little celery stalk, the gruel was delicious. My compliments to
the cook."
"Hey!"
Gabrielle exclaimed, noticing her bowl was now overflowing with gray, lumpy
gruel.
"You're a
growing girl, cousin," Auto grinned. "Eat up."
Gabrielle scowled and
dipped her spoon into the unappetizing mixture, watching in horrified
fascination as it dripped off and fell back into the bowl with a sickening plop. Then, she happened to glance over
to where the owl was gleefully devouring his special breakfast of roasted quail
and quail eggs and licked her lips hungrily.
Noticing her gaze,
the owl hissed threateningly and shielded his plate with his body and wings.
The Bard sighed and
began to eat the gruel. But when her eyes lit up with surprise and she began to
shovel it into her mouth as fast as she could, Xena rolled her eyes and said,
"Oh, no need to worry about Mavis not eating."
"What?"
Gabrielle asked, gruel dribbling down her chin. "It's good. Really, really
good."
"I told you so,"
laughed Damara.
"I'm not very
hungry this morning," Xena said, pushing her own bowl disgustedly away.
"Why don't you and I take that little walk now, Auto?"
"Are you sure
you don't want anything to eat, Aunt Philomena?" Autolycus said
desperately. "I'm sure the cook wouldn't mind whipping up whatever your
heart desires."
"I'm just not in
the mood for food, dear," she replied, rising and placing a hand on his
shoulder. "Now, how about that walk?" She dug her nails deep into his
shoulder.
"Sounds good to
me," Auto squeaked. "I'll see you later, my love." He kissed
Damara on the cheek.
"Good
luck," James said with a reproving smile.
"I'll settle
with you later," Auto hissed as he and Xena walked by the bard.
"I'm sure James
and Mavis will be excellent company until you return," Damara said
brightly.
"I'm sure they
will," Auto nodded, right before Xena yanked him out of the hall by his
ear. "Ow!"
"Are you gonna
finish that?" Gabrielle asked James, pointing to his bowl of gruel.
As soon as Xena and
Auto were out of sight of the castle's guards she cuffed him soundly across the
back of the head. "Are you crazy?!" she demanded. "Arcadians
aren't exactly renown for their charity, especially in regards to thieves. Death
is considered a light sentence. And I don't even want to go into the penalty
for what you're doing to the Princess. Let's just say it involves forced gender
alteration and leave it at that, okay?"
Auto grimaced.
"I know all about Arcadia's laws and punishments," he said, rubbing
the back of his head. "That's one of the reasons I chose this kingdom for
my triumphant return."
"What are you
talking about?" she inquired. "Return to what?"
"To the
undisputed King of Thieves, of course," Auto replied as the pair strolled
casually through the market.
"You are the King of Thieves,
Autolycus," she stated. "Everyone's forgotten all about that business
with Tarsus and what he did to your reputation."
"Have
they?" the thief asked, arching an eyebrow thoughtfully. "What have I
done to restore my reputation since then? Precious little! I've been so busy
goody-goodying with you, James, and Gabrielle that I haven't stolen anything
for ages. And, I hardly think I need to point out that you foiled the only
theft I have attempted. Let's face it, Xena, my credibility is sinking faster
than Ares' popularity at a love-in! The King of Thieves is quickly becoming a
has-been, an over-the-hill pickpocket with delusions of grandeur, a would-be
grand larcenist with a wannabe-ego that's too big for his talents. I'm a legend
in my own mind, Xena."
"So, what else
is new?" she snickered.
"I'm being
serious here, Xena," Auto said defensively.
"So am I. And,
have you given any thought to what effect this will have on Princess
Damara?" Xena said suddenly. "That poor kid is going to be crushed
when you run off with the jewel and leave her at the altar. Doesn't that matter
to you?"
"Of course it
does. I'm not heartless. You know that. But, believe me, if there were some
other way to restore my reputation, one that didn't involve hurting anyone, I'd
do it in a heartbeat," he said earnestly. "But there isn't. This is
the big one, Xena. This is a career maker. When I pull this off, my immortality
will be assured."
"It probably
would. There's just one little problem," Xena said.
"Oh? And what
might that be?" he questioned.
"I'm going to
make sure this wedding never happens, Autolycus," she informed him, her
blue eyes glinting with determination.
"You do what you
have to, Xena, and I'll do whatever I have to," he replied, his own brown
eyes shining with equal resolve.
After several tense
moments the smell of fresh pastries wafted over the pair and they licked their
lips hungrily.
"Shall we?"
Auto suggested, indicating the baker's stall.
"Are you treating?"
Xena asked with a smile.
"Of
course," the King of Thieves replied with a smirk and a twirl of his
mustache. "It's the least I can do for my long-suffering aunt." He
held out his arm and Xena took it and they made their way over to the booth, knowing
that nothing had really been resolved.
After spending the
morning talking to the Princess and hearing the story of how she and Autolycus
had met, James took his leave of her and left Gabrielle to keep her company. Returning
to his room down the empty corridors of the castle, the owl started whispering
into his ear: "So, the Princess was wandering around the city square when
a wagon of wine barrels started rolling toward her at great speed. At the very
last second, before she was about to be crushed, Auto swings out on his line
and snatches her away to safety? Want to bet that old Auto staged the whole
thing to get close to her?" The owl snorted.
"Probably!"
James growled, his irritation at Autolycus for taking advantage of the
Princess' kind nature was starting to flare into a full roaring flame.
Opening the door, he
entered his room and slammed it shut behind him. The owl, sensing the growing
anger radiating off of the gentle bard James, decided that he needed some time
to himself. "I think I will fly outside of the kingdom and see if I can
see any of the Xenites from the XenaVerse Complex arriving yet."
James made a waving
motion for the owl to leave but then called out to him, "Be careful flying
around the city! One of the guards might decide to take a pot shot at you and
you could end up on the dinning room table, and not as a guest!"
The owl bobbed his
head once to show that he had heard and then flew out the window.
Sitting down in a
chair, James placed his head in his hands and wondered what to do with all the
anger that was coursing through him.
Hearing the door to
his room jerk open, he looked up in time to see Autolycus enter and slam the
door behind him.
"I just wanted
to thank my `good buddy' for telling Xena all about the Star of Arcadia. You
realize that this will put a serious crimp in my plans, don't you?" he
demanded in an irritated voice.
"Oh, please,
Autolycus! Did you really think that you could keep the Star a secret with Xena
here? Let me tell you something: Xena knew about the Star before I could even
tell her. She found out about it from an old serving woman in the palace,"
he growled as he leapt to his feet and started to pace back and forth.
The King of Thieves
was taken aback by the obvious anger in his voice and
watched his friend
pace for a few moments in silence.
`Gabrielle paces like
that when she's mad, too. Wonder if it's a bard thing?' Autolycus thought to
himself.
"You know what
your problem is, Autolycus?" James asked, finally coming to a halt in
front of him.
Seeing James' jaw
clenching and unclenching, Auto just shook his head. "You plan all these
great thefts and carry them out but you never spend a moment thinking about
what happens after you leave with your loot," he barked at him.
"Look, if you're
that worried about the Princess, why don't you marry her after I leave with the
gem?" Autolycus said as he took a half step back and raised his hands in
front of him.
James opened his
mouth and shut it a few times before he regained enough control to speak
clearly. "Auto," James said, speaking slowly and carefully, as though
he was talking to a child, "I told everyone here that I was to be your
best man at the wedding. I showed up before anyone else that was invited to the
wedding and I told them that I was one of your best friends. When you disappear
right before the wedding with the Star of Arcadia with you, everyone is going
to assume that I was your accomplice in this crime! I will be lucky to get out
of this city with my life!"
Autolycus took
another half step back and shrugged with a slightly nervous look on his face.
"Okay, so maybe my plan needs a little refining."
"Refining?!"
James cried as he started to pace back and forth again. "Do you even
realize that you have invited all of your friends from the XenaVerse Complex to
come here for your supposed wedding?"
"Well, of
course! I want them to see me regain my title of 'King of Thieves'. What's
wrong with that?" Autolycus said with a look of confusion.
The bard stopped pacing
and started to rub his eyes, realizing that he was starting to get a headache.
"Autolycus!" He paused with a sigh. "Picture this with me, will
you? The Princess is standing at the altar. I'm standing up there, too, as your
best man. The audience is filled with your friends. Suddenly, the King or Queen
realizes that the Princess no longer has the Star of Arcadia with her. A search
goes out to find the 'King of Thieves' and, when no one finds him, they realize
that he must have been the one to steal the gem."
Autolycus allows a
slight smile to cross his face as he imagines everyone talking about how the
King of Thieves made another perfect theft.
"And I and all
your friends suddenly find ourselves trapped in a hostile city, surrounded by
the royal guards that are being commanded by an enraged King!" he
practically yelled into Auto's face.
Autolycus finally let
a seriously worried look cross his face. "Okay, I'll admit that I didn't
consider that part in my plan, but Xena will be there. She'll help everyone get
to safety. Besides, maybe no one else from the complex will show up for the
wedding?"
"Right. No one
at the XenaVerse Complex likes a big party or would care to see the King of
Thieves get tied down in marriage," James answered sarcastically.
Autolycus shook his
head. "Yeah, you're right. They'll all be there. Hey, wait a minute! You
said that you were going to be standing up at the altar as my best man. Does
that mean you're not going to tell the King about my plans to steal the gem?"
"Auto, right now
I am madder at you than I have ever been at anyone in my life, but I still
consider you a friend and I would not 'rat' you out to the King," he
replied, still rubbing his eyes.
Hearing Autolycus
give a sigh of relief, he added, "That, and Xena says she has a plan to
stop you without anyone getting hurt."
Feeling a strong urge
to get out and get some fresh air, James started for the door, but stopped as
he passed the thief. "You know who I am the maddest at right now?"
Autolycus just shook his head. "I am maddest at myself, because I know how
much the title 'King of Thieves' means to you and, even though I know that if
you succeed in your plans to steal the gem, it will mean the Princess will be
hurt emotionally and maybe our friends from the complex physically, half of me
still hopes that you succeed," he replied.
"What does the
other half hope?" Autolycus asked.
"That Xena
carries out her threat to kick your sorry butt all over Greece!" he said
and then left the room.
Autolycus let out a
long sigh as James left the room and wondered if maybe this one time he had bit
off more than he could chew. "Nah! Everything will work out fine!" he
said out loud and, turning, saw his reflection in the mirror on the wall.
"What are you looking at?" he asked the mirror irritably.
---------------------------
Lord Vantys was
finally in a good mood. He rechecked the plans for the first trial of the
Adoniad and was confident that Autolycus could not remain true to the Princess
after what he had set up. Tonight Autolycus would be slipped a cup of wine that
had a sleeping potion in it. The King would announce that the Adoniad would
start in the morning. As soon as Autolycus went to bed and the potion had taken
effect, he would be moved into a small secret room in the castle. When he awoke
in the morning he would find himself surrounded by beautiful women who were
being paid to seduce him at all costs and the finest wines the kingdom had to
offer. For 24 hours he would be held in that small room and at the end of the trial
the women would be asked if Autolycus had remained true to the Princess. If
even one of them said no, then Autolycus would be declared unfit to marry the
Princess and be thrown out on his ear. `Even if he, by small miracle passes
this test, he will never pass the other tests,' Lord Vantys thought gleefully
to himself.
As he was walking
down the hallway toward an intersection, the noble stopped when he heard a door
slam shut loudly. Peeking around the corner, he watched as the Bard James came
striding down the hallway. Lord Vantys admitted to himself that the only reason
he did not like the bard was because he was a friend of Autolycus and that,
other than that, the bard was a nice enough fellow. But the person stomping
angrily down the hall did not act like the bard Vantys had came to know in such
a short time. There was a scowl on his face and his stride was angry and
determined, while his usual gait was more relaxed. Once again Lord Vantys
wondered if this might not be the Warlord Inimicles. Watching James moving
toward the intersection where he was hiding, Vantys' eye was caught by
something sticking out of one of James' boots. It looked like the handle of a
dagger and, as Vantys watched, it slid slowly out of James' boot and appeared
to hover a moment in the air before it slowly and lightly fell to the ground.
James did not even
notice that he had lost it and kept walking.
Lord Vantys pulled
back into his hallway a little and watched as the bard passed by the opening
without even looking his way. Stepping out after he was gone, he quickly went
over to the dagger and picked it up.
Examining it, Lord
Vantys' eyes went wide and he raced out of the castle.
Standing a few feet
away, invisible and inaudible to mortals, the Goddess Discord stood laughing.
"Mortals are so easy to manipulate! Crank up a few emotions here, pull out
a dagger and leave it there, and they do just what you want them to."
Discord laughed again and then disappeared in a flash of light.
---------------------------
Lord Vantys reached
the soldiers' training grounds and, after a few moments scanning the soldiers
there, he found the one he was looking for: An old battle worn warrior, leaning
on a wall directing some young soldiers in their sword drills. Walking up, Lord
Vantys waited for the warrior to acknowledge his presence.
Cretius came from a
family of warriors. At an early age he dedicated his life to war and to the God
of War and had served many armies and even more kingdoms and one thing he had
learned in all that time: He disliked court dandies like Lord Vantys with a
passion. Cretius waited a few moments, letting Lord Vantys stew in his own
juices, before glancing at him sharply and growling, "What?"
"I believe that
before you came to serve King Bastian, you once served on the city guard to a
town was attacked by the Warlord Inimicles?" Lord Vantys asked.
Cretius returned his
attention to the young men and their sword drills. "Yeah, so what?"
"Did you see
this Warlord? Did he have a personal flag or symbol of some kind?" Vantys
asked, stepping into Cretius' field of view.
"Yeah, he had a
personal flag. All Warlords do. It's the way that an army knows where to
regroup around their leader in a battle," Cretius said, looking over
Vantys' head.
"Oh, really? I
always thought it was just a vanity on their part," Vantys remarked.
Cretius rolled his
eyes at the noble's ignorance. "Is there some reason for these
questions?" Cretius asked as he finally looked down at Vantys.
"Did Inimicles'
symbol look like this?" Vantys asked as he pulled James' dagger from his
clothing and showed it to Cretius.
Cretius grabbed the
dagger so quickly that Lord Vantys was slightly cut by the razor sharp edge of
the blade.
"Where did you
get this?" Cretius asked Lord Vantys in a dangerous growl.
"There is a
visitor to the castle who was carrying it. He matches the description of the
Warlord Inimicles, but he managed to convince the King that he is just a lowly
bard. Is that symbol on the handle Inimicles'?"
Cretius examined the
symbol of the snake choking Ares' symbol closely for a moment. "Yes. That
is Inimicles' symbol. I will take care of it. I have a grudge to settle with
Inimicles!"
"No!"
Vantys commanded and put his hand on Cretius' arm.
The old soldier
looked down at the hand and Vantys quickly removed it. "Why not?!"
"Inimicles is
friends with a certain thief. The King is hoping that the thief will lead a
certain other Warlord into a trap. If you kill Inimicles, the thief may make a
run for it before we can get our hands on this other warlord," Vantys
explained.
Cretius shook his
head angrily. "Court intrigues and strategies." He spat. "Just
give me a good clean battlefield any day."
"I will capture
Inimicles quietly by slipping a sleeping potion into his wine and have him
moved to the dungeon. With any luck, Autolycus will think that his Warlord
friend got fed up and left on his own. And, he will continue with the wedding
plans and the other warlord will show up for the binding ceremony. We will
capture her and then, instead of a wedding, we can hold a double execution of
warlords and throw Autolycus into prison for being their accomplice! It's
perfect!" Lord Vantys said more to himself than Cretius. "Today is
becoming a perfect day!" he said as he walked away.
Still invisible and
inaudible to mortals, Discord stood a few feet away. "You're right,
foolish mortal. Today is becoming a perfect day. James will be thrown into the
dungeon. Xena will find out about it and have to break her cover to rescue him.
She will be thrown into the dungeon, too, and then all I have to do is endanger
her annoying little blonde friend and tell Xena and James and they will pledge
loyalty to Ares to save her. Ares gets his precious Xena back, and James as
Inimicles. Plus, Autolycus' greatest triumph becomes his greatest humiliation
and I get revenge on him for his part in turning me into a chicken!"
Discord let out a little giggle and disappeared in a flash of light.
Cretius looked at the
dagger that Lord Vantys in his excitement had left with him, remembering all
the good friends that had died that day when Inimicles attacked that city.
Slowly he started to stroke his jaw as he considered what plans he might have
for the Warlord.
--------------------
The King of Thieves,
after leaving James' room, stalked through the halls of the castle, hoping he
could find a quiet place to sit down, have a strong drink and a good hard think
about what he was going to do about the latest development in his `perfect'
plan. It had all seemed so simple when he conceived it: Win the Princess' love,
propose, steal the famous Star of Arcadia, make his escape and thereby regain
his title as the undisputed King of Thieves. Having all his friends from the
XenaVerse Complex there to witness his triumph was just icing on the cake.
At least, that's how
he'd intended it.
Now, if James was
right, it might turn out to be the biggest mistake of his life.
He realized that the
easiest way out of this whole mess was to simply fail the Adoniad. No wedding,
no Star, no theft, no one gets hurt. Unfortunately, his enormous ego couldn't
get his mind to accept that solution. His reputation was in bad enough shape as
it was, he reasoned, if it got out that he'd failed the Adoniad he feared no
one would ever take him seriously.
So, despite the risks
to his friends, he was determined to go ahead with what he was already thinking
of as "the crime of the century."
"Is anything the
matter, my love?" The charming voice of the Princess interrupted his
pondering and he looked up to see her standing in front of him and smiling
sweetly. And James' words came back to haunt him: If you succeed, you'll hurt
the Princess emotionally.
"Nothing at all,
my beautiful olive blossom," he replied, leaning to kiss her cheek.
"Just thinking about the Adoniad and hoping I'll prove worthy to be your
husband."
"Darling Auto,
you have already proven yourself worthy to be my husband," she playfully
scolded. "The Adoniad is simply to determine if you are worthy to be King
of Arcadia."
"Aren't they the
same thing?" Auto inquired, confused, and slightly alarmed that maybe he
hadn't done his research for this job as thoroughly as he should have.
"Not
necessarily," Damara answered, looping her arm in his and continuing down
the hallway at his side. "If you fail the Adoniad, we could still
elope."
"Elope?!"
Auto squeaked.
"Then, one day,
perhaps one of our children might eventually become the ruler of this
land," she continued.
"Children?!"
Auto yipped.
"Naturally. I
want a big family. Growing up an only child was terribly lonely for me and I
don't want any of my children to have to go through what I did," she
stated. "Of course, I did have an older brother, Demas, but he was killed
during the Battle of Corinth when I was quite young and I barely remember
him."
Autolycus suddenly ceased
his nightmarish visions of domestic life and stopped and looked into the
Princess' eyes. "Did you say the Battle of Corinth?" he asked,
fearing the pieces were falling into place and that the picture they were
creating was definitely not one to his liking.
She nodded.
"Were you there?"
"No, but a
friend of mine was," he said thoughtfully.
"Was he killed,
too?"
"I think part of
her was," he replied.
"She lost a son
in the battle?"
"You could say
that. Look, Princess, I need to go see my aunt. We had a bit of a fight this
morning and I need to set things straight," he said. "Besides, I
thought you were spending the day with my cousin Mavis..."
"She had an
errand to run, something about a gift for her mother, but she should be back at
any time. So don't worry about me."
"Why would he
worry about you?" Gabrielle, in full Mavis gear, asked, walking up.
"Oh, Mavis,
there you are. You see, Autokins, I'll be fine. You run and make up with your
aunt," Damara said, favoring him with a gentle smile.
"I'm, er, afraid
I just came from Mum's room and she seems to have come down with a terrible
case of the, um, Scythian flu. Nasty stuff. But she should be better in a day
or two. In the meantime, though, she's asked very specifically not to be
disturbed, since it's highly contagious at this stage," the Bard said
quickly.
"Oh, the poor
dear. Should I have the cook fix her something special?" Damara asked.
"No, that won't
be...on second thought, if you could have him prepare lamb with a sour cream
sauce I know she'd appreciate it," the Bard replied, drool beginning to
form at the corners of her mouth. "It's her favorite."
"Certainly. I'm
sure the cook will be happy to do that for her," the Princess nodded.
"Is there anything else we can do for her?"
Gabrielle shook her
head. "She just needs rest and time to fight this bug."
Autolycus rubbed his
chin thoughtfully. "Well, you two have a lovely time together," he
said, kissing Damara on the cheek. "I'm off to continue my studies about
your marvelous homeland."
"A king should
be familiar with his country's history," Damara smiled. "We'll see
you at dinner this evening." Auto nodded and the Princess and Gabrielle
walked off
---------------------------
Autolycus, after not
even receiving so much as a reply when he had knocked on the door, and being
hesitant to pick the lock for fear that someone would see the royal suitor
breaking into a room, lowered himself from the ramparts of the castle to the
room which Xena and Gabrielle were using and carefully opened the shuttered
window. "Xena?" he called softly, peering inside but finding the room
empty, as he had expected to. "Now, where can she have got off to?"
---------------------------
King Bastian stood up
and the talking around the large table quickly ceased. He turned to Autolycus
and said, "Tomorrow morning, at long last, you will begin the Adoniad, my
boy. But let me assure you that this series of tests is much more than a way to
prove your physical fitness to one day be the king of this fair land. No, sir,
it will test your mettle as a man, too. For only someone who is pure and noble
enough to conquer the Adoniad is worthy to marry my sweet Damara," he
said, gazing lovingly at his blushing daughter. "So, I toast you,
Autolycus, in the hope that you prove up to the true challenge of the Adoniad:
the merit of your soul."
Feeling slightly
guilty, and avoiding looking at either James or Damara, the King of Thieves
likewise raised his glass and drank along with the King and the rest of the
diners.
But, as he should
have known, his friend wasn't about to let him off that easily. James rose and
said, "King Bastian, with your permission, I would like to propose a toast
of my own." The King nodded and James looked straight into Auto's brown
eyes, causing the thief to squirm a bit. "To Autolycus: my friend and one
of the best people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I know that you will
not disappoint us and that the good man you truly are will rise to this
occasion and do the right, and honorable thing." So saying, he tilted his
head back and drained his goblet as Auto and the others did the same.
Lord Vantys smiled to
himself as one of his private guards, dressed as a steward, refilled the glass
of the suitor and the bard with some of his specially prepared wine while
serving girls filled those of the other guests.
Autolycus suddenly
stood up himself, albeit a bit shakily, and raised his glass to the King.
"With your kind permission, majesty." Bastian nodded and Auto
continued, "I'd like to propose a toast to James, a friend for many years,
whose loyalty and discretion I value as much as his wit and charm. Don't blow
it now," he added quietly before taking a drink and sitting back down.
James took a drink
and then began to stand up, but the Princess, whom he was seated next to,
pulled him back down with the admonishment, "Only one toast per guest,
James. Besides, I'd like to propose a toast to my future husband. Autolycus, my
love, I know in my heart that you will emerge victorious from the Adoniad and
that we will one day, far in the future, the Gods willing," she added,
looking at her parents and smiling, "wisely rule Arcadia, side by side. But
I want you to know that even if the unthinkable should happen, and you fail the
Adoniad, I will still love you and our hearts and souls will always be
one." As she tilted her head and drank deeply from her goblet, James
managed to catch Auto's eye and he saw the cocky thief's mask slip a bit before
the charismatic smile returned and he gaily saluted Damara and the King and Queen
before drinking.
---------------------------
Autolycus stood up,
or rather, he tried to stand up, but owing to the amount of wine he'd consumed
over the course of the dinner and the toasts and the hours of talking
afterwards, he found it a bit difficult to do so on his own. James would have
helped his friend had he himself not found it equally difficult to maintain his
feet. As it was, both men ended up tumbling from their chairs and landing
face-first on the floor of the drawing room, to which the young people had
retired after dinner to talk and drink.
"Need some help,
gentlemen?" Lord Vantys offered, stepping from the shadows in the corner
of the room.
"Why, Vanty, how
predictable of you to be lurking nearby," Auto slurred, trying to once
more struggle to his feet, without success.
"Now, Autokins,
Vantys is just watching out for me, as is his job, in case the wine had gone to
your head and you attempted to ravage me...or something," she sighed
wistfully. The nobleman bowed. "Pity you weren't really needed."
Vantys scowled ever
so slightly.
Meanwhile, Auto and
James, using each other as braces, attempted to stand up, mashing each other's
faces and banging heads before collapsing back onto the floor. Both men groaned
and Damara and Gabrielle couldn't help but laugh.
"Shall I, my
Princess?" Vantys offered, gesturing to several of his guards who were
standing near the door.
"I suppose you
had, or they might never make it to their rooms," she smiled.
Lord Vantys stifled
an evil grin and nodded to the soldiers. "I trust you two will be able to
make it up to your rooms without assistance," he said as the guards picked
the barely conscious pair up off the ground.
Gabrielle looked over
the handsome noble admiringly. "I might need a little help," she said
quickly, looking at the Princess and giggling softly.
Vantys halted in
mid-step and the Princess discreetly held a hand over her mouth as he slowly
turned around. "Would you like me to leave one of my men, my lady?"
"I thought you
might do me yourself," Gabrielle replied.
"My lady?"
Vantys inquired as the Princess pressed her hand tightly over her mouth.
"The honor of
escorting me to my room," the Bard added. Vantys sighed. "Or your
room," she said under her breath.
The Princess suddenly
burst out laughing and Gabrielle did the same and Vantys rolled his eyes.
"I'm afraid I have other duties to attend to, my lady, but I'll gladly
leave a guard to-"
"Oh, don't
bother, Vantys. I'll see that Mavis gets to her room all right," Damara
said in between gasps of giggles.
"As you wish, my
Princess. Good night ladies." He bowed deeply and then turned on his heel
and exited the room.
"Pity he's such
a sourpuss," Gabrielle sighed, taking another long drink from her goblet.
The Princess cocked
her head and then said slowly, "I suppose so."
---------------------------
Autolycus slowly,
painfully opened his eyes and then blinked in confusion. "I must still be
dreaming," he mumbled when he saw ten beautiful women standing over him.
He closed his eyes again.
"No dream,
Autolycus," Lord Vantys' voice announced. "Welcome to the first trial
of the Adoniad: Fidelity. I'll be back in a day to let you out, but in the
meantime: Don't do anything I wouldn't do." The noble's mocking laughter
faded as the window in the heavy oak door slammed shut.
Auto sat up and
rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Fidelity?" he gulped as his gaze
wandered longingly over the women.
---------------------------
Slowly escaping the
realm of Morpheus, James' first thought was `Why is my bed so hard and cold
this morning?'
Cracking one eye open
and then quickly closing it, he thought to himself, `And when did they put a
jail cell door on the ceiling of my bedroom?'
Carefully turning his
head to the right, he opened both eyes and then turned to look to the left.
Closing his eyes again, he thought fuzzily to himself, `Well, that explains the
jail cell door and the cold hard bed. I'm chained to a dungeon wall and
standing up.' He let his head sag back down onto his chest and started to drift
back into sleep.
Jerking his head back
so hard that it hit the wall behind him, James slammed his eyes open and
squeaked, "Chained to a wall?!?!?!"
Taking slow deep
breaths to try and curb a rising sense of panic, he took in his surroundings.
The bard was chained with his hands above him to the wall of a very small cell.
`Almost more of a stone closet than a jail cell,' he thought to himself. `Or a
very large coffin,' his mind added morbidly.
Forcing down that
thought, he mentally tried to figure out just how large the cell was and why he
was in a cell to start with.
The room appeared to
be about 8 feet by 8 feet square. Very cold, very damp. `And smells like quite
a few things have died in here,' his imagination again helpfully added.
Looking out of the door,
he could see a torch burning on the distant wall of a rough stone passage that
ran past his cell; far too far away to provide any heat and not a whole lot of
light.
Closing his eyes, he
tried to remember the dinner from the night (?) before and what he could have
done to get thrown into a cell. He had drunk quite a bit of wine. `Did I spill
the story about Autolycus and his intended theft? Is he somewhere down here
with me, awaiting punishment?' he wondered.
With his eyes still
closed, James stretched his hearing to its utmost and heard not a single sign
of life. Relaxing slightly with the thought that whatever it was that he had
done had not gotten Auto into trouble, too, he opened his eyes and found
himself staring slightly down at the Goddess Discord.
"Holy
Tartarus!!" he yelped. Regaining his composure, he added in a calmer voice,
"Will you stop popping in and scaring me like that?"
Discord smiled and
moved closer until she was almost pressing herself against his body. "I
usually like my men to be kneeling on the ground before me, but this could have
possibilities, too." She gave a soft laugh as she ran her hands down his
sides.
Taking a deep breath
to calm his nerves again, James asked, "Will you please stop doing that
and tell me why I'm in a dungeon cell?"
Stepping back till
she was leaning on the cell door, Discord smirked and replied, "Lord
Vantys had you thrown in here. For some unknown reason he thinks that you are
the warlord Inimicles."
"What about
everyone else? Are they all right?" the bard asked nervously.
"Funny you
should ask that," Discord said with a laugh. "Autolycus is facing his
first challenge of the Adoniad. Xena is there in disguise to try and make him
fail the test. So they're both in total seclusion and don't know what has
happened to poor Gabrielle."
"What has
happened to Gabrielle?" he shouted with worry.
"Why, Lord
Vantys has decided that she is a assassin sent to kill the King and Queen. He
has her in a cell far from here, torturing her to death to get her to confess.
I doubt she will survive until Xena can find out and rescue her," Discord
lied through her even white teeth.
Straining against his
chains to get free to find and rescue Gabrielle, James shouted at Discord,
"You've got to help her!"
Discord seemed to ponder
this for a minute. "Now, why would I want to do that? I suppose you could
rescue the annoying blond. Oh that's right! You're all chained up at the
moment. Pity."
Sweating with worry
in the cold of the jail cell, he sighed. "All right, Discord. What do you
want from me?"
The Goddess slinked
her way back across the small cell until she was close enough to run her sharp
nails across his chest through the opening of his shirt. The smirk on her face
gone to be replaced by a predatory grin. "Give your word of honor and
swear an oath in Ares' name. Agree to become the warlord Inimicles and lead
armies in Ares' name and I will help you rescue Gabrielle."
James opened his
mouth to agree--Anything to save Gabrielle--but then his eyes narrowed
suspiciously. "You first."
"What?"
Discord asked in confusion.
"You swear an
oath on Ares' name that Gabrielle is really in danger and needs my help and I
will consider your proposal," he said defiantly.
Discord was a
Goddess. She feared very little, but Ares' wrath was one thing she did fear and
she knew he took oaths in his name very seriously. Even if her lie got Ares
what he wanted, she knew he would be angered that she gave a false oath in his
name.
"I guess you
don't care as much about Gabrielle as you thought you did," Discord said
with mock sadness and disappeared in a flash of light.
"She wouldn't
swear an oath in Ares' name that Gabrielle was in danger!" James kept
repeating, trying to convince himself that Gabrielle was still safe and sound.
---------------------------
Gabrielle was not
feeling too good this morning, either. First, she awoke at dawn. Something she
absolutely never did. And second, she awoke alone, without Xena nearby or
knowing where she was. And last, but not least, she awoke with a slight hangover
from all the wine she had drunk the night before.
"Ugh!" was
her only comment as she stumbled over from the bed to the table across the room
and sat down and looked into the mirror. "It tastes and feels like I
cleaned a centaur stable with my tongue!" she said to her reflection.
"What did I do last night?" she again asked her image.
Thinking, she
remembered bits and pieces of the night's events. Even through the hangover,
she smiled when she remembered watching Auto squirm under James's thinly veiled
toast and how both James and Auto had trouble getting up from the table. Her
slight smile vanished as she remembered that she had made a slight pass at Lord
Vantys. "Thank the Gods that he didn't pick up on it! I am never drinking
that much wine again!" she sternly lectured her reflection.
Gabrielle pulled her
sleeping shift off, which she barely remembered putting on last night before
falling into bed, and pulled a bowl of water over to her and using a towel
started to wash.
Athena's owl, flying
through the open window, landed on the headboard of the bed and silently
watched Gabrielle. Humans were not what he would call attractive most of the
time. Their eyes were too small and they didn't even have feathers, but even he
had to admit that Gabrielle was good looking. The owl let out a long wolf
whistle at the semi-nude Gabrielle and was shocked when, before he could even
blink, Gabrielle had leaped from her seat at the mirror, reached under the bed
and pulled her Amazon staff out and had the end of the staff just a few inches
away from his beak.
The owl looked at the
end of the staff and then followed it up until he was looking at Gabrielle.
"Great reflexes there! Among other things!" he added.
Gabrielle, realizing
that she was still topless, scowled at the owl and, dropping the staff on the
bed, reached over and pulled her sleeping shift back on.
"Any particular
reason why you're here? Or are you just a peeping owl?" she growled at the
owl.
The owl gave a
hooting laugh for a second and then became serious. "Have you seen James?
He didn't show up last night in his room. I waited all night for him to bring
me something to eat and he never showed up! I had to go hungry all night
long!" the owl groused.
Gabrielle frowned and
started to answer him when she heard a knock on the door. Reaching over, she
quickly threw the pillows under the covers and arranged them to look like
someone was sleeping under the bedspread. Making a motion for the owl to hide,
she watched as he hopped behind the headboard of the bed. Grabbing her wig and
shoving it on her head, and one quick glance at the mirror to make sure she was
decently covered, she opened the door slightly.
Lord Vantys, standing
in the hall and looking slightly over Gabrielle's head at the bed, smiled and
asked, "How are you and your mother today?"
"Oh, I'm fine!
But mother is still too sick to get out of bed today!" Gabrielle said as
she tried to move discreetly to block Vantys view of the bed.
Lord Vantys called
out loudly, "I hope that you will be better soon and that you don't miss
the wedding."
Gabrielle was just
about to tell Lord Vantys that her mother was probably still asleep when
Philomena's voice called out from the direction of the bed: "Don't worry
about me. (cough, cough) I wouldn't miss my little Auto's wedding for anything.
Mavis! Don't be addlebrained, girl! Close that door, you're letting in a
draft!"
Gabrielle smiled
sweetly at Lord Vantys and promptly shut the door in his face. "I'll be
down for breakfast in a moment." she yelled through the door to him.
The Bard listened at
the door and, after a moment, heard Lord Vantys move off. Walking over to the
bed, she saw the owl fly up from behind the headboard and land on it with a
self-pleased look on his face. "That was a pretty good imitation of Xena's
Philomena," she said with a smile.
"Yeah, I'm a
bird of many talents!" the owl said, preening his feathers.
Gabrielle frowned and
started to gather up her clothes. "I have to get dressed."
"Don't let me
stop you," the owl said with a quirk of his beak.
"Get out! Go
back to James' room and I'll meet you there on the way to breakfast and take
you down to the dinning room."
"What do you
think happened to James?" the owl asked being reminded that his friend had
not been seen since last night.
"I don't know. I
seem to remember that Lord Vantys had some guards help him to his room last
night. You're sure that no one showed up last night?" Gabrielle asked,
starting to pace back and forth.
"Positive! Why
would James need any help to get back to his room?" the owl asked.
"He had too much
to drink and couldn't stand up on his own," Gabrielle said with a slight
smile.
Instead of being
amused the owl seemed to get even more worried. "I've seen James almost
drink himself completely unconscious at Amazon parties and he has always
managed to get himself back to his own room on his own."
Now it was
Gabrielle's turn to look worried as she tried to remember just how much wine
James had drank last night. "Go on and go back to James' room. I'll meet
you in a moment," she finally told the owl.
With one last nervous
ruffle of his feathers the owl nodded and flew out of the window.
As Autolycus looked
up at the women hovering over him, his attention was suddenly caught by a very
familiar pair of dazzling, but angry, blue eyes. "You?" he gasped.
"What's the
matter, Auto?" Xena said quickly, elbowing past several other women.
"Aren't you happy to see your old friend Cherish?"
"On the
contrary, I'm delighted," the King of Thieves replied, stroking his
mustache with a flourish.
"Hey! Don't
settle for sloppy seconds when you could have this, darling," one of the
professionals cautioned, thrusting her ample breasts into his face.
"Who're you
calling sloppy seconds, sister?" Xena growled, glaring at the other woman.
"You, you cheap
floozy!" she cried, charging Xena with her long nails bared. "If
anyone is going to get that bonus, it ought to be a local, right, girls?"
Several other women
nodded and advanced on Xena.
"No room for strangers
here, love," said a redhead with green eyes.
"We'll see about
that, cookie," the Warrior Princess grinned, rubbing her fist into the
palm of her hand.
As Xena and the
majority of the whores closed on one another, the remainders concentrated on Auto.
"Wouldn't you
rather have me anyway, sweet-cheeks?" one of them asked, batting her long
eyelashes and bouncing up and down provocatively.
"Back of the
line, Doris!" snarled another woman, grabbing a handful of Doris' long
dark hair and yanking on it painfully as she stepped ahead of her. "I'm
going to get that bonus." She sat on Auto's lap and smiled as the thief's
eyes were drawn like magnets to her bosom. "Aren't I, stud?"
"B-b-bonus?"
Auto questioned, squirming.
"Yeah, bonus,
you bonehead!"
Autolycus looked up
and saw a woman with long brown hair, twisted into a ponytail that hung past
the middle of her back, dark eyes and a face and figure that seemed to have
been sculpted by the Gods themselves. She was wearing a dark blue silken blouse
and black leather breeches and had a golden chain looped around her slender
neck.
He immediately stood
up, dumping the prostitute on his lap onto the ground. "Hey!" she
exclaimed.
"Is for
horses," Varina said, kicking her sharply in the gut. "Why don't you
go get some."
"Now, what's
this about a bonus?" Auto asked, never taking his eyes off the brunette.
"Lord Vantys has
promised 500 dinars to the woman who causes you to lose this trial, you
moron," she hissed. "Remember? The Adoniad? The Princess? The wedding?
The Star of Arcadia? Is any of this ringing any bells?"
"Oh, I hear
bells all right. Every time you speak," he replied, gazing longingly into
her dark eyes.
Varina ground her
teeth in frustration and said softly, "No. That isn't going to happen. You
need to focus on the job, you idiot. Focus on the Star of Arcadia."
"How do you know
that's what I'm after?" he suddenly demanded.
"I'm sort of a
fan of yours," she shrugged. "I figured it out."
"Exactly,"
nodded Xena, approaching the whispering pair and leaving the others to fight
amongst themselves. "And if she figured it out, don't you think Lord
Vantys and the others will, too? If they haven't already."
"I don't think
that's likely," Varina said quickly. "If they even suspected your
intentions weren't sincere, you'd have been locked up, or worse, long before
this. Right?"
"She does have a
point," Auto conceded.
Xena gazed
thoughtfully at the stranger. "Just who are you?"
"The name's
Varina...Xena," she added after a moment. "And I'm going to see to it
that this wedding happens."
"You don't
strike me as the Cupid-type. What's your interest in this?" Xena inquired.
"Let's just say
I want Autolycus here to get what he deserves," she answered, smiling
impishly.
"So do I,"
Xena stated.
"Ladies, I'm touched
that you're both so concerned about my well-being," he said, sliding his
arms around both their waists. "Maybe when this is over we can--"
Suddenly, Doris, who
had apparently won the catfight with her rivals, jumped up off the pile of
groaning women and raced towards Autolycus. "I won, baby! It's me and you
and 500 dinars!"
Xena casually held up
her fist and Doris ran smack into it and fell to her back, out cold.
"Nice,"
commented Varina.
"I have many
skills," Xena replied.
The other woman nodded
appreciatively. "So, what are we going to do about Autolycus?" she
asked.
"This wedding is
not going to happen, Varina. If he
doesn't fail this test, I'll see to it that he fails one of the other
two," Xena informed her. "It'll be a lot better for you, Autolycus,
if you fail this one."
"How am I
supposed to do that--Even if I wanted to?" he added, seeing Varina's eyes
darken angrily. He gestured to the room full of unconscious, or nearly so,
women.
"They'll wake up
soon enough," Xena assured him.
"Look, even if
they do, if I'm going to blow the score of a lifetime, it would have to be for
something better than a two-dinar hooker," Auto said, eyeing both women
suggestively.
"All right. You
know you've wanted me for years, Autolycus," Xena said resignedly.
"Well, here's your chance. Your one
and only chance."
"Oh, no, you
don't!" Varina exclaimed. "I'll make you a deal: Get the Star of
Arcadia and I'm all yours."
"Fulfill my
fantasy with you and lose my reputation, or enjoy your ample charms and regain
my status as undisputed King of Thieves," Auto mused, looking from one
woman to the other. "Turn around, both of you. Slowly."
Xena gritted her
teeth but complied with the humiliating order. As did Varina, although she
clearly was no happier than the Warrior Princess about having to do so.
"Tough
call," Auto grinned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "But, and no pun
intended, I'm going to have to go with Varina's offer, Xena."
"Bad choice,
Autolycus," she said with quiet menace. "You not only don't get me,
but you won't get the Star or Varina either. I'm surprised you'd pass on a sure
thing for such a long shot."
"I like to live
on the edge, Xena. You know that," he grinned, turning to Varina.
"How about some sugar to sweeten this deal, baby?"
She smiled and leaned
in close and then suddenly kneed him hard in the crotch. "Just keep your
mind on the job, Autolycus," she hissed as he dropped to his knees,
clutching his groin.
"Nice,"
commented Xena.
"I've got more
than a few skills myself," she shrugged.
---------------------------
Waking up after
slipping into unconscious again, James wondered just how long he had been stuck
in this damp, dark dungeon. After Discord had disappeared, he spent a long time
worrying that Gabrielle was in deep peril and that he had blown his chance to
save her by refusing Discord.
Then he spent a long
time trying to convince himself that Gabrielle was perfectly safe and this was
all just a plot by Discord to get him to serve Ares.
After that he just
spent time worrying that he was destined to be left alone in the dungeon to
just starve to death.
Hearing a noise
coming from the passageway outside the cell, James looked up and watched as
Lord Vantys made his way through the cell door.
"Good evening,
Inimicles," the nobleman said with a large smile.
"I am not the
warlord Inimicles. How many times do I have to say that?" James spat at
Vantys.
"Oh, just cut it
out! I found your dagger! I know you're the warlord Inimicles!" Lord
Vantys let his smile slip a little as he snarled at the chained man. "The
only questions I have are: Do you have your army waiting somewhere to attack
the kingdom? Is Autolycus your accomplice? And is Xena working with you,
too?"
James debated on
whether to deny yet again that he was Inimicles or to lie and say that he was,
but try and clear his friends. With his friends in danger and the fact that he
knew that no matter what he said Lord Vantys would not believe that he wasn't
Inimicles, he replied, "Autolycus doesn't know that I'm Inimicles and he
is completely innocent. I met him once when I was injured and he didn't know
that I was a warlord. He helped me and I liked having a friend who did not fear
me so I told him that I was but a simple bard. I do not have my army nearby.
When I received a scroll from Auto telling me he was going to get married, I
left my army camping in the north and made my way here to see my friend get
married."
Lord Vantys stroked
his chin as he tried to decide whether he believed the story or not. "I
could see where it might be nice to have a friend who did not fear or despise
you. All right! I accept that Autolycus does not know who you really are. What
about Xena? Do you know her?"
"Never met her,
or I would have already destroyed her!" James lied through his teeth.
"Well, it won't
matter one way or another. Sooner or later, we will catch Xena, and then we'll
have a double execution. And we'll hold them on the day that Autolycus was
supposed to get married." Lord Vantys almost giggled to himself.
"That will show the Princess that I am someone to be taken
seriously," he added in a low breath.
"What do you
mean when Autolycus was supposed to be married?" James asked.
"Your dupe
friend is taking the first test of the Adoniad right now. I imagine by this
time he has all ready failed it ten or eleven times," Lord Vantys said
with a laugh.
The noble started to
leave the cell when he heard the warlord Inimicles ask in desperation.
"Are Autolycus' aunt and cousin all right?"
Lord Vantys paused
and then turned to look at Inimicles suspiciously. "I just tell you that
you are to be executed and you take it calmly, but then worry about people you
just met a few days ago? Why do you care if that fool's aunt and cousin are all
right?"
"I've faced
death many times. It no longer holds any terror for me, but, as I told you
before, Autolycus is my only friend, so I'm concerned that his aunt and cousin
are safe."
Lord Vantys continued
to study the person he thought of as the warlord Inimicles and then just
shrugged his shoulders. "Philomena has a bad case of Scythian flu but
Mavis is doing well. She's taking care of her, and, oh, yes," his face
twisted into a scowl, "your owl. I was all set to have that dusty foul
creature turned into an entree, but she insisted that she would be happy to look
after it until your 'return'. I haven't told anyone yet that I have captured,
on my own I might add, the fearsome warlord Inimicles. I will save it as a
surprise for your good friend Autolycus."
Lord Vantys once
again turned to leave but stopped when he heard Inimicles yell out, "If I
am to be executed at a later date, it might be good form to have some food sent
down here. After all, it will be a bit of a let down if you come here to get me
to execute me and find me dead of starvation."
The Arcadian noble
snorted, but then said, "I'll have my personal guards bring you something
to eat later." He then made his exit. One that he hoped would be dramatic,
but was somewhat spoiled as he caught his cloak in the jail cell door when it
shut behind him.
---------------------------
Lord Vantys opened
the door of the testing area the next morning and was surprised to see the
bruised condition of most of the women. But when Autolycus limped from the
room, he felt sure he'd failed the test.
"So, the wedding
is off, eh?" he smirked.
"Not on your
pathetic, subservient life," Auto replied. "Just ask the ladies if I
behaved myself or not."
"Is this
true??!" Vantys sputtered.
All of the women
nodded.
"He wouldn't
even touch us," Doris complained, gingerly rubbing her black eye.
"Well, someone
obviously touched you, and none too gently, either," the noble pointed
out.
"Just a little
scuffle between business associates," one of the others shrugged.
"Your boy didn't lay a hand on us, in any way."
Lord Vantys glared at
Autolycus and then snarled at his men, "Pay these useless whores what I
promised them and get them out of my sight. And you, Autolycus, will have ample
time to rest before the next test begins."
"Gosh, thanks,
Vantys, but I'm pretty well rested right now," he grinned. "What say
we just get this farce over with?"
"As you
wish," Lord Vantys smiled. "But you're going to regret not taking
advantage of my generosity."
"Sure I will.
You just be sure to let Damara know I passed this one, okay?" Auto chided.
Lord Vantys scowled
and nodded as he led the thief to the site of the next trial.
---------------------------
The owl watched as
Gabrielle once again leapt to her feet and started to pace back and forth in
her room.
"Okay, let's go
over what we know again and see if we can figure out what happened to
James," Gabrielle said as she came to a stop and looked at the owl who was
sitting in the middle of the bed.
The owl let out a
long sigh. "We've been doing this all morning!"
"Well, we'll do
it all day long if we have to! There must be something that we missed!"
Gabrielle snapped at the owl.
"Okay,
okay!" the owl said, ruffling his feathers slightly. "You say that
James and Autolycus got drunk last night. Lord Vantys had some guards help them
to their rooms?" Gabrielle nodded her head. "Then this morning I tell
you that James had not returned to his room and was missing. We go down to
breakfast and find a grinning, overly happy Lord Vantys there." The owl
paused for a breath.
"And he tells me
that James came to him early in the morning and told him that he was going to
wander around the city and gather some more stories. And that none of us should
worry if he was gone for a few days, that he would be back for the
wedding," Gabrielle added with a frown.
"Yeah, he wasn't
happy at all when he saw me on your shoulder and you pointed out that James
wouldn't go anywhere without me," the owl said as he ruffled his feathers
more as he remembered the conversation.
Gabrielle started
pacing again. "I then pointed out that James, if he were to go wandering
and did not want to take you with him, would not leave without appointing
someone to serve to watch over you until he returned." She stopped and,
looking at the owl, idly reached up and massaged her left shoulder.
The owl hopped a few
steps on the bed closer to Gabrielle and said, "I once again want to
apologize for tightening my talons on your shoulder, Gabrielle..."
The Bard removed her
hand from her shoulder and waved it in a forgiving manner at the owl.
"Don't apologize. I understand. My blood was boiling, too, when he said,
'The best way that owl could be served is plucked, cleaned and with a light
wine sauce.'"
Gabrielle carefully
sat down on the bed next to the owl and started to lightly stroke his ruffled
feathers. "That smirk on his face was erased quickly when the Princess
told him that was a horrid thing to say, wasn't it?"
The owl could feel
himself start to calm down under Gabrielle's gentle petting. "Where could
James be, Gabrielle? I searched the skies of the city all day long and you
talked to everyone in the castle. No one has seen him. Even the King and Queen
seemed surprised to hear that he left the castle."
"Funny the only
person to have talked to James and see him leave was Lord Vantys," Gabrielle
said with a growl in her voice.
"You don't trust
him either?" the owl asked, turning his head to look up at Gabrielle.
"Well, we know
he lied about the guards taking James back to his room last night! You were in
the room and you saw no one!" Gabrielle said as she leapt to her feet and
started to pace again.
"So, what do we
do now?" the owl asked her.
"Well, I know
what Xena would do. She would walk up to Lord Vantys and put the pinch on him
and tell him that she had just cut the flow of blood off to his brain and that
he had 30 seconds to tell her where James was or he would be dead."
Gabrielle smiled thinking about Xena.
"So, again I
ask, what do we do?" the owl
repeated stressing the we part.
"I just don't
know! If I seem to doubt Lord Vantys' word about James too much, he might get
suspicious and it could really wreck Xena's plans. I guess that we wait and
keep looking for James quietly, and, if we don't find him, ask Xena what to do
when she comes back," Gabrielle said as she flopped down on the bed again.
As Autolycus and Lord
Vantys made their way through the hallways of the castle, the King of Thieves
asked, "So, just what is the next test?"
"One you're even
more likely to fail than the last," sneered the noble.
"Intelligence."
"It might
surprise you to learn that one does not become the King of Thieves by being
stupid," Auto pointed out. "While any idiot can pick up a sword or
club and rob somebody, it takes a great deal of planning and cunning to steal,
especially from the troves of warlords and kings. What I do, er, did, was an
art form, Vantys. And the people I stole from were secretly pleased to have
been accorded the honor of having their possessions deemed valuable enough to
warrant the attentions of the King of Thieves himself."
"Is that why
they placed such huge bounties on your head?" Vantys cracked.
"It's all part
of the game," Autolycus replied airily. "I steal; they put a reward
out for my capture-"
"Death,"
corrected Lord Vantys.
"Whatever. And
then my fame goes up, increasing their own fame in the process," the thief
finished. "I've actually been sent inventories of the treasuries of some
little backwater towns in the hope that I will come and
steal from them for
that very reason."
Lord Vantys' eyes
narrowed. "If you enjoyed being the King of Thieves so much, why give it
up now? Granted, your exploits have been of a decidedly unlarcenous nature the
past couple of years--Ever since you met Hercules and Xena, right?--but it
seems to me that someone with your ego, er, obvious skills would want to go out
at the top of his game," he said, watching the thief carefully.
"Rather than as an over-the-hill has-been."
Autolycus bit down on
his tongue for a moment, to focus his mind and to keep from saying something
he'd later regret. "I fell in love, my friend," he finally replied.
"And, when Cupid's arrows strike, no one can resist their power, not even
the King of Thieves." Lord Vantys looked unconvinced, so Auto added,
"Besides, I'm simply trading up: My crown as King of Thieves for the crown
of Arcadia. I still know a good deal when I see it, my friend."
Lord Vantys bit back
his anger at the thought of this preening cock as the king of his beloved
Arcadia, and the husband of his even more beloved Damara, and opened the door
to a room, gesturing the thief inside. "Here we are, the site of your next
test," he grinned.
Autolycus cautiously
entered the room and saw that it contained only a table, a chair, and an
enormous pillar that seemed to be made of papyrus lying on the table. Then, he
suddenly, and with horror, realized that the `pillar' was actually a scroll!
The biggest he'd ever seen.
"You can't be
serious!" he exclaimed. "This thing'll take days!"
"Some in the
past have taken as long as a week," Vantys snickered. He handed him a
quill and an inkbottle. "Good luck." Then, as he and his guards
closed the door and locked it, they all burst into laughter.
And, again, Auto
swore to himself that he would yet have the last laugh in this whole business.
Then he looked back at the scroll and added silently: I hope.
He carefully unrolled
as much of the scroll as would fit on the table and read the opening lines:
This is a test of your intelligence. Please read the
instructions carefully and do exactly as they say. Any deviance whatsoever will
result in your failing of this exercise. Following the instructions are 1,000
questions on everything from history to musical theory and philosophy, the
subjects with which a king should be familiar if he is to rule fairly and
wisely. The amount of time you take to complete the test will have no bearing
on its passage or failure. Only the contents of the test itself will be used to
assess your outcome.
"A thousand
questions??!" Autolycus yelped. "I'm doomed." But only because
his ego wouldn't let him give up without trying his best, he continued to read:
INSTRUCTIONS: First, sign your name below in the
space provided. Then, read the entire test through from beginning to end before
answering any of the questions in order to familiarize yourself with the
material contained herein. Then, answer the questions to the best of your
ability. No credit will be given for partial answers and in order to pass you
must receive a perfect scoe.
"This is even
worse than the last one," the thief groused as he scrawled his signature
in the space provided.
Question 1. Gregor and Paris leave their kingdoms
at the same time, traveling in opposite directions, heading toward one another.
Their kingdoms are exactly four hundred miles apart and there are no
geographical impediments between them. Paris is on his trusty steed, traveling
at an average speed of 20 miles per hour, while Gregor is on foot, with an
average speed of 5 miles per hour.
How far from each
kingdom will they be when they mee?
"Story
problems...I hate story problems!"
Auto sighed and continued to read.
*****
Question 48. Who was the Greek general who won the
naval battle of Salamis and how many Greek vessels achieved that victory over
1200 Persian ships?
*****
Question 271. Describe an octave in mathematical ter.
*****
Question 569. A man is going through the desert on
his way to visit some relatives. Before leaving, he stops at a tavern and gets
some supplies for his long journey, including plenty of water to insure he
survives the trek across the burning wastes. However, unbeknownst to him, two
of his deadliest enemies are present and both decide to kill him. The first secretly
poisons his water supply. But the second, not knowing that the water is
poisoned, pours it out and replaces it with vinegar. The man enters the desert
and subsequently dies of thirst.
Who is responsible for
his death?
*****
Question 815. Name the Athenian statesman who first
codified and published Athenian law, thereby limiting the power of the
Eupatridae, and the later legislator who reformed that code, granting
citizenship to the lower classes.
*****
Question 993. Croesus, Medea, and Narcissus each have
a number of apples. The total number of apples is 12. Croesus has twice as many
apples as Medea and Narcissus has half as many as Croesus.
How many apples does
each have?
*****
As the end of the
scroll finally became visible--At least Auto thought it was the end of the
scroll, but he couldn't be absolutely sure since his eyes were so sore and
tired from reading the epic exam--the King of Thieves read the final question
with a growing sense of dread. Oh, sure, he'd recognized a lot of the material
and felt sure he could reasonably answer most of the questions, but not all. He
knew that some of the questions had either downright puzzled him or had simply
concerned things of which he had no knowledge. He was tempted to say the test
was brutally unfair, but then again, he supposed that was the reason for the
Adoniad in the first place: To weed out undesirables.
And, while he hated
to think of himself in that manner, he did have to admit that when all was said
and done he wasn't fit to be king of
Arcadia and that the Adoniad had served the purpose for which it had been
designed.
Then, he reread the
last question, to make sure he was seeing things correctly:
Question 1,000. One of the most important things a king
must do is to pay attention and not act without thinking. If you have done as
instructed, there should be no marks on this exam other than your signature at
the beginning. Having read all the questions, it is easy to understand your
obvious frustration at not having been able to answer them all. Such is as it
should be. A king must know his limitations and recognize that there are things
which he simply does not know. That is why every good king relies on advisors
to help him rule fairly and compassionately. It is hoped that this experience
will have taught you a measure of humility, regardless of the outcome.
Please turn the test over to those who administered it to
you.
Still not quite
believing his tired eyes, Auto read it again and then got up and banged on the
door. "I'm done, Vantys!" he called out. "And I've got some bad
news for you: I passed!"
A few minutes later
the door opened and Lord Vantys walked in, scowling.
"What's all this
nonsense about you having finished and proclaiming that you've passed?" he
demanded. "Even assuming that you've answered all the questions, how could
you possibly know that?"
"I guess you
haven't read the test yourself, have you, Vantys?" Autolycus grinned.
"Well, just feast your eyes on the last question and show me to the rest
area. I need to take a nap before I start the next, and final, test."
Lord Vantys read over
the final question and his mouth dropped as he realized what the authors had
done. While he had to applaud their brilliance, he also cursed them for perhaps
being too smart for their own good and allowing an obvious charlatan like
Autolycus to pass the test without actually demonstrating the intelligence he
felt was required in order to be king.
"I can't see you
simply following orders like that," the noble sighed. "Why didn't you
answer any of the easy ones before getting to the end?"
"Like I told
you: A thief has to be cunning. He has to think things out carefully before
taking any action. Just like a king," Auto added with a smirk. "Now,
where can I lie down?"
"This way,"
Vantys grumbled, leading him down the hall with the sneaking suspicion that
there was more to this than met the eye.
Autolycus followed,
his hand wrapped tightly around the bottle of ink with which the frustrated
noble had supplied him, and smiled smugly at the knowledge that it had
contained just enough ink for his signature, but no more, and that no one had
responded when he'd asked for another bottle.
---------------------------
As Gabrielle entered
the dinning room she scanned it quickly, hoping to see the bard James, but she
was disappointed. All she saw was a grinning Autolycus, a scowling Lord Vantys,
and a beaming Princess Damara.
"Mavis! Have you
heard? Autolycus has passed two of the three tests of the Adoniad!! One more
and we can finalize our marriage!!" Princess Damara squealed in delight.
Autolycus looked up
with a smug expression on his face, but quickly lost it when he saw the worried
look on Gabrielle's face and noted that the owl was sitting on her shoulder.
"Um, Mavis? What
are you doing with James' owl?" Autolycus asked.
Before Gabrielle
could answer, Lord Vantys said quickly, "The bard James has decided to see
some more of our kingdom and he seems to have forgotten his bird. Don't worry,
he told me personally that he would be back in time for the wedding. If there
is going to be one," he finished under his breath.
Autolycus was just
about to suggest that it might be a good idea if he went out and looked for his
friend, but before he could open his mouth, Lord Vantys called out to the
servants to start serving dinner.
"The King and
Queen send their regrets that they could not join us for dinner but hope that
you will all enjoy this celebration feast in Autolycus' honor for getting
through two of the three tests of the Adoniad."
Princess Damara
beamed proudly at Autolycus and reached over and gave his hand a quick squeeze.
Autolycus, who had
his back to where the servants were bringing out the food, wondered at the
sudden widening of Gabrielle's eyes and, looking over his shoulder, saw
servants after servants carrying heaping platters of food into the room. At
Lord Vantys direction the servants placed the majority of the platters in front
of the King of Thieves. Plates of lamb, deer, and roasted boar were sat in
front of him and, just when Autolycus thought they could get no more on the
table, the servants brought in dishes of desserts with rich honey dripping off
of them. Finally, as if in an after thought, one last servant brought in a bowl
that was filled simply with apples and sat it on the far edge of the table away
from
Autolycus.
With his eyes
slightly bulging at the amount of food, Auto looked suspiciously at Lord
Vantys. "While I am honored by this great feast, why so much food?"
"Why, after all
the restraint you showed with the first test and the high intelligence you
showed with the second test, the King and I thought you deserved a
reward," Lord Vantys said with an insincere smile.
Autolycus speared a
large chunk of roasted boar and placed it on his plate. "Speaking of the
tests, when do I take the third and last one?"
"Why this next
test is so easy, I thought you could take it right after we finish eating
tonight," Lord Vantys said with a real smile.
Auto, who had the
piece of boar meat raised half way to his mouth, paused as he remembered that
the next test was to be of physical strength and dexterity. "Well, if I'm
to take the next test right after dinner, maybe I shouldn't eat such heavy and
rich food right before it," he said, raising one eyebrow at Lord Vantys.
"But you
wouldn't want to pass out from hunger or weakness in the midst of the test,
would you?" Lord Vantys suggested eagerly.
Gabrielle, who had
been silently watching the mental mind games going on between Auto and Lord
Vantys, wondered why when Vantys mentioned hunger
his eyes suddenly
widened.
"I just
remembered that there is something I need to take care of," Lord Vantys
said as he stood up from the table. "Please enjoy the meal, Autolycus,
ladies." Lord Vantys bowed at Gabrielle and the Princess and then left the
room.
Gabrielle, suddenly
deciding that she had to know where Vantys was going in such a hurry, quickly
rose from the table herself. "I need to take mother some food," she
said, grabbing a plate from the table and piling it high with meats and
snagging a few apples as she walked by the end of the table.
As she made her way
out of the same door that Lord Vantys had made his exit a few moments ago, the
Bard saw him standing at the end of the corridor, talking to one of his
personal guards. She could hear Vantys tell the guard to keep an eye on
Autolycus and not let him leave the dining room until he returned. Pausing at
one of the windows, as though she was enjoying the view for a moment, Gabrielle
waited until the guard passed her in the corridor and then, looking reluctantly
at the plate full of food she was carrying, took two apples off the top of it
and threw the rest out the window. The owl whimpered at the lost of the meats
but said nothing.
Gabrielle, quietly
following Lord Vantys, watched as he stopped by the kitchen. She saw him first
go over to where the morning gruel was still sitting in a large pot by the fire
where he pulled the large spoon out of the pot and grimace at the large slab of
gray muck that came out with it. He looked at it thoughtfully for a moment
before shaking his head and dropping it back into the pot. He then went over to
where the boar was still roasting on a spit on the fire. Slicing off a piece,
Lord Vantys then wrapped it carefully in a kitchen cloth and, grabbing some
bread, he left the kitchen by the opposite door from where Gabrielle was
covertly watching him.
The disguised Bard
waited a moment for Lord Vantys to get a few feet ahead of her and then started
to follow him again. Shadowing the noble, she followed him as he made his way
further and further into the lower regions of the castle. Finally, they reached
a small storage room at the very bottom of the castle.
Watching from the
shadows, Gabrielle saw as Lord Vantys pulled on a torch holder and a secret
door opened in the wall. Waiting till the last moment before the door closed,
she sprinted across the room and slipped through it. She found herself in a
rough-hewn corridor with a few pitiful torches flickering with light. Lord
Vantys was already a few yards ahead of where she crouched quietly in the
darkness and moving in a determined fashion that showed he knew where he was
going.
---------------------------
Plink, plink, growl, plink, plink, plink, growl.
James listened to the
music made by the dripping water and his own stomach growling.
Hearing a new noise
in the corridor outside of my cell, he looked up and watched as Lord Vantys
opened the door and entered, carrying a cloth bag in one hand and what looked
like in the gloom of the cell, bread in the other.
"I finally
decided that you were not going to bring me any food and that you were just
going to let me starve to death down here," James said, his voice raspy
from being in the damp cell for a full day.
Lord Vantys started
to make a retort but then softened the look on his face. "Sorry. There's
been a lot going on today. I forgot about you for a while, but whatever else
you may think of me, I'm not cruel. I have some food for you here."
Jingling the chains
that held his hands high above his head, James asked, "Are you going to
feed me or undo the chains so I can eat?"
Lord Vantys studied
the situation for a moment and then, passing the bread to his other hand,
snapped his fingers. "I have an idea!" He then sat the bag on the
ground and carefully laid the bread on top of it and then left the cell.
"Not cruel he
says!" James moaned as the smell of the roasted boar reached him.
Gabrielle, on hearing
James' voice coming from the cell that Lord Vantys had entered, started to rush
forward only to skid to a stop as the noble quickly entered the corridor once
again. Pushing herself against the side of the corridor, the Bard wondered what
she could say to Lord Vantys if he was to turn and spot her. Then, she
smothered a squeak as the wall she was leaning on suddenly gave way and slid
back into a side corridor, dumping her into a secret passageway.
Lord Vantys paused
for a moment in the corridor as he could have sworn he heard a noise. Turning
and looking back the way he had come, he saw nothing and, after listening for a
moment shrugged his shoulders. He made his way a little further up the passage
and found the chair he remembered sitting at the end of the corridor. Picking it
up he brought it back to Inimicles' cell.
Reentering the cell,
he brought the chair over and, watching Inimicles carefully, sat it down next
to him against the wall.
"What am I
suppose to do with the chair?" James asked curiously.
"Climb up on the
chair and it will give you enough slack in the chains so you can feed yourself.
This way I don't have to risk you escaping by unlocking the chains," Lord
Vantys said with a smile.
James felt like
snapping at him that he had been standing up for a whole day and he didn't even
know if his legs would support his weight, but since he was the one with the
food, he carefully climbed up on the chair and stood on it without saying a
word.
He was surprised that
Lord Vantys was correct, it did give enough slack in the chains for him to feed
himself. Vantys gave him the bag of food and bread and quickly moved back out
of the way. After a whole day without food, it did not take James long to
devour everything he'd been given.
"How is
Autolycus doing in the Adoniad?" he asked as he finished the boar.
Lord Vantys scowled
and replied, "He's passed the first two tests, but he won't pass the last
one!"
"What do you
have against Autolycus?" James asked as he stepped down from the chair.
"What do you
mean what do I have against him?! He's a common thief! He's not good enough for
Damara!" Lord Vantys shouted.
"You mean
Princess Damara, don't you?" James asked, watching him closely.
Lord Vantys pulled
the chair from the wall and, placing it as far away from James as he could in
the small cell, he sank down on to it and put his head in his hands. "Do
you know what it's like to be attracted to someone who barely knows that you're
alive?" Lord Vantys muttered through his fingers.
"Yes, actually,
I do. I was, and am, crazy about one woman, but she only thinks of me as a
friend. And, I've been on the other side of it, too. I found out that a woman I
did not even notice very much was absolutely crazy about me," he answered
quietly.
"What happened
to the woman who was crazy about you?" Lord Vantys asked, looking up from
his hands.
"I finally found
out about her feelings and I fell completely in love with her. She has passed
on to the other side now and waits for me there," James said even more
quietly.
"And the one you
are crazy about now?" Lord Vantys asked, feeling as if he might have
something in common with the notorious warlord Inimicles.
James sadly smiled
and replied, "Nothing will ever come from that, I know. And I would never
try anything for fear that I would lose her friendship which means the world to
me."
Lord Vantys nodded
his head but then said, "Maybe you should have risked it. After all, in a
few days you're going to be executed for your crimes." Rising from the
chair, he left the cell and locked it behind him. "I promise you that I
will not forget to bring you food again. I will see you tomorrow morning."
---------------------------
Gabrielle after
falling into the secret passage and having the door swing shut again, found
herself completely in utter darkness. Carefully reaching out and feeling
around, she found where the owl had fallen from her shoulder and, picking him
up, she brought him close to her mouth and whispered, "Are you all
right?"
The owl whispered
back, "Yeah I'm okay. Tell me one thing if you can, though: Why is it
every time I hang out with you or James I end up in a damp cell
underground?"
Gabrielle gave a
quiet chuckle and placed the owl back on her shoulder. Feeling around, she
found the secret door had a very common place handle on this side. Easing it
open a crack, she watched as Lord Vantys made his way past her without noticing
the door and left through the passage. Waiting a few moments more to make sure
that Lord Vantys was truly gone, she then opened the door and made her way to
the cell she had seen Vantys enter.
---------------------------
Plink, plink, plink.
James listened to the
sound of water dripping and wondered if Xena or Gabrielle were looking for him
yet.
Hearing a soft noise
just outside the cell door he looked up to see a worried Gabrielle peering at
him in the gloom.
"What are you
doing down here?" he asked.
"Going to get
you out of here," Gabrielle replied with a smile that lit up the dark like
a hundred candles.
Working with a small
lock-pick that Autolycus once gave her, and with advice from the owl, she
quickly had the cell door open. Using the chair that Vantys had left behind,
Gabrielle just as quickly had James' cuffs open. "I think you have been
hanging around Autolycus too long," he said, commenting on her speed at
opening the locks.
Gabrielle's smile
quickly turned to a look of worry as he slumped down to the floor of jail cell.
"Are you all
right?" she asked.
"Yeah, just give
me a moment. My leg muscles are tired from standing up all day and my arms feel
like they are about to fall off," he rasped at her.
"We need to get
you out of here now," Gabrielle said as she helped him to his feet and had
him lean on her.
As they started down
the corridor, he asked Gabrielle how she kept Lord Vantys from seeing her in
such a narrow corridor.
Gabrielle paused and
pointed to the wall. "I fell through a secret door right there."
Straightening up,
James stumbled over to one of the torches in the wall and brought it over to
the place where she pointed. He pushed on the wall and watched as it silently
opened up.
"Stay here,
Gabrielle. I'm going to see where this leads," he said as he moved to
enter the passage.
"Are you out of
your mind?!" Gabrielle hissed. "We need to get you out of this damp
hole!"
"Just stay here
and keep an eye open for anyone and I will just check this out real
quick," James said as he stumbled down the secret passage.
Gabrielle stood
silently fuming for a moment and then said in a low voice, "You know,
sometimes you're just as stubborn as Xena!"
Moving down the
passageway with the torch, James found a small door at the end of the corridor.
The wooden door at one time had had massive locks on it but the constant damp
of the passage had eaten through the door until it was just a sodden mass that
collapsed as soon as he touched it. Stepping over the rotted door, he thrust
the torch into the room and was instantly blinded by a bright, pure light.
Holding the torch slightly behind him and shielding his eyes with his other
hand, he was finally able to make out the room. It was square in nature and in
the corners he could make out a few moldy bags that had rotted away to reveal
that they held gold coins, but it was the object in the center of the room that
took his breath away.
There was a stone
pillar that was waist high and sitting on the pillar on a mildewed red velvet
pillow was a diamond the size of his two fists put together. He had found the
secret vault that contained the Star of Arcadia!
James started to
laugh out loud when he realized that Autolycus was putting himself through the
tortures of the tests of the Adoniad and all he had to have done was get
himself thrown into a dungeon. Reaching out, he picked up the Star and, after
thinking for a moment, quickly slipped it into his pocket. After all, he rationalized, how
could Auto steal the diamond if it had already been stolen? I'll slip it back
after Xena trips Auto up in the last test and no one need realize that it was
ever gone.
He quickly made his
way back to Gabrielle, who looked at him curiously as he swung the secret door
open again. "Did you find anything?" she asked.
"Nothing of
interest," he said with a smile.
Gabrielle continued
to watch James out of the corner of her eye as they made their way back into
the castle.
"We'll have to get
you out of the city and into the woods around here. As soon as Lord Vantys
realizes you're gone, he'll tear the castle apart looking for you!"
Gabrielle thought out loud as they dodged and snuck through the castle back to
her room.
The owl, who had remained
sitting on Gabrielle's shoulder, whispered into her ear, "I think we
better wait until late at night to sneak him out. Look at him, Gabrielle, he's
almost passed out on his feet. He needs at least a few hours rest or he'll
never make it to the gate, let alone the forest."
Gabrielle looked over
to where James lay slumped against the wall as she quickly opened her room door
and helped him inside. "Agreed. You stay here with him while I go back to
the dinning room and see what's going on with Autolycus and Vantys."
Gabrielle started to
open the door and leave when she heard the owl loudly clear his throat.
"What?" she
asked, turning to look at the owl.
"Don't you think
they might ask some questions if you showed up looking like that?" the owl
said as he gestured at the mirror on the wall with one wing.
Gabrielle glanced at
the mirror and saw that she was covered in dust and, in places where she had
fallen in the damp secret passage, mud.
"Ares'
beard!" Gabrielle muttered as she glanced down at herself. "I'll have
to change my clothes, and come up with a good excuse why I did. I could tell
them that 'Mom' threw up on me. That will keep anyone from coming in here at
the same time," she said thoughtfully.
Starting to change
her clothes, she stopped and turned to tell James to look the other way and
found him sound asleep on the floor beside the bed. Shaking her head, she
started to remove her clothes again and then, stopping, looked up to see the
owl watching her. "Go next door into James' room until I finish getting
dressed!" she snapped at him.
The owl chuckled and
flew out the window.
The Adoniad--Test Three
Autolycus was still
nibbling at his food, ignoring his stomach's demands to gorge himself on the
fabulous spread, when Gabrielle entered the dining hall. "What's with the
different outfit, Mavis?" he inquired suspiciously, noting that she was
now wearing a two piece made of green silk and pink cloth. "Your other
clothes were fine."
"Not after
mother threw up on them," she replied, sitting down and accepting a plate
from one of the omnipresent servants. "But I think she's over the worst of
it. She should be back on her feet by morning, she says." The Bard glanced
at Auto and saw that this had only deepened his suspicions because he knew good
and well that Xena wasn't really sick and that Gabrielle had probably not even
seen her.
"I hope so,
otherwise she'll miss all the excitement when my darling Autolycutie is named
officially as my fiancé," Damara said, smiling broadly across the table at
her intended.
The King of Thieves
blushed. "Autolycutie...That's a new one," he observed.
"I've got lots
more," the Princess assured him with a sly grin.
"Oh, I'll just
bet you do, Dam...mariffic," he stammered.
Lord Vantys, stifling
a grimace none too well, suddenly stood up and announced, "Let's get on
with the third and final test. Autolycus, if you'll follow me. Princess, Mavis,
we shall return shortly."
"Good luck,
Autodorable!" Damara called, blowing him kisses.
Gabrielle laughed and
added, "Good luck, dear cousin Autolycus."
"Thank you,
Dam...marvelous! You, too, Mavis," he added as the pair of men exited the
hall.
"It won't be
long now," the Princess said excitedly to Gabrielle.
"No, it
won't," she replied noncommittally as she piled food on her plate
---------------------------
Autolycus and Lord
Vantys walked through the silent halls of the castle, next to each other, but
also miles apart. Neither paid any attention to the tapestries or statues;
Vantys because he had grown so used to them, and the thief because they were of
very little material value.
"Just how long
have you been in love with the Princess?" Auto suddenly asked, breaking
the stillness.
"Don't be
absurd. She's my princess, the daughter of my king, and it is my privilege and
my honor to serve her for that reason," the noble replied. "What gave
you the ridiculous notion I was in love with her?"
"Oh, I don't
know...maybe the way you crack your knuckles every time she smiles at me; or
how your eyes get that glazed over look when you see her with me; or it might
have been the fact that you're doing your best to see that I fail the Adoniad.
Take your pick," Auto offered with a smirk.
"Maybe I just
hate you," Vantys shot back. "Or I hate the idea of you marrying the
Princess. Not because I love her myself, just because I think it would be a
terrible thing for my kingdom to have you as king."
"Could
be..." Auto conceded. "Except for the longing looks I've seen you
direct at Damara when you thought no one else was watching. You've got it bad,
Vanty. Admit it."
"To you?
Never."
Before Autolycus
could continue the discussion, they arrived at a long hall with poles sticking
from the wall at irregular intervals about ten feet off the floor. The King of
Thieves noticed that the poles glistened unusually in the flickering light of
the torches and that they weren't actually fastened to the wall, but were
instead sticking out of holes.
He was about to ask
his guide to explain the test when King Bastian approached them, smiling, but
with a touch of sadness, too. "All ready for the final test, my boy?"
he asked a bit too eagerly.
"Evening, your
majesty. I'm ready," Auto answered.
"Excellent. This
one has been designed especially with your legendary skills in mind,"
Bastian explained.
"I'm
flattered."
"You should
be," Lord Vantys nodded. "It wasn't easy to come up with a challenge
worthy of the King of Thieves."
"Former King of
Thieves," Autolycus corrected.
"Of
course," the noble said, bowing his head slightly.
"So, what's the
test?" the thief asked, still puzzling over the suspicious poles.
"Simply put: For
you to cross the entire length of this hall without touching the floor,"
said the King cheerfully.
"And the
catch...?" Auto pressed.
"Not only have
the poles been covered with a particularly slippery oil, but with this control
panel," the monarch indicated a curious wooden box set against the wall
that had numerous levers sticking out of it, "Vantys and I can cause a
pole to drop out from under you at random. It's really quite ingenious. You
see, the poles are attached to ropes and the ropes are attached to weights
which are raised and lowered by these levers."
"Again, I'm
flattered that you went to all this trouble for little ol' me," Autolycus
said, but Vantys was pleased to note this his smirk had slipped a bit.
"It was our
pleasure," the noble said with a wolfish grin.
"I'll bet,"
Auto mumbled. "Well, I'll see you on the other side."
"You just
might," Vantys chuckled as the man who would be king climbed up to the
small platform at this end of the room.
"Whenever you're
ready, my boy," the King called as he and Vantys positioned themselves
near the box.
Autolycus took a deep
breath and then launched himself off the platform and looped both hands around
the nearest pole. The slick surface of the pole afforded no grip, but the
nimble thief used his forward momentum to swing up and around and then over to
the next one.
"Now, my king,
the fun begins," grinned Vantys pulling a lever that caused the pole Auto
was reaching for to suddenly drop away.
But then, just as
suddenly, it snapped back up into place and Auto used it to spring to the next.
"What in
Tartarus??! The cursed rope must have broke," Vantys growled, pulling
another lever.
---------------------------
Within the narrow
chamber that housed the ropes and weights, Varina breathed a sigh of relief as
she strained to pull the triggered rope taut enough for Auto to use it.
"What do you
think you're doing?" Xena demanded, dropping down from the platform which
held the weights.
"What does it
look like I'm doing?" the other grunted as the rope nearly jerked her off
her feet when Auto grabbed the pole to which it was attached.
"Cheating,"
Xena replied. "Autolycus is going to fail this test, Varina. He has to, or
a lot of people are going to get hurt."
"Oh, gee, that
changes everything," she said mockingly. She let go of the rope and pulled
a coin from her pouch and flipped it to the Warrior Princess. "Here's a
dinar. Hire a pigeon and write someone who gives a satyr's hinder. I've got
work to do." She bounded over and grabbed the rope of the next pole as the
weight fell to the floor.
"If that's the
way you want it..." Xena jumped up and kicked out, catching Varina just
below the chin. But the other woman not only maintained her grip on the rope,
but actually used the momentum of the kick to bounce her back and connect with
a double kick of her own to Xena's gut.
"I can play
rough, too, doll," she grinned, stepping forward and delivering a stunning
forearm to the side of Xena's head and then grabbing the next rope before the
weight even hit the floor.
"So I see,"
the Warrior Princess nodded, standing up and wiping a trickle of blood from her
lips.
---------------------------
"What in Hades'
name is wrong with these damn poles?!" Vantys snarled, pulling yet another
lever and watching in dismay as it dropped momentarily before snapping back
into place.
"I guess we
should have tested the mechanism," the King sighed. "Still, it does
seem that Autolycus isn't exactly having an easy time of it."
Both men watched as
the thief grabbed a pole only to have it drop away and then bounce back up,
catching him on the chin and tossing him backwards, only to land astride
another pole which in turn bounced him forward, over the first and onto a
second, which popped up and slammed him squarely between the legs before
propelling him forward again.
"True, your
majesty, but he should never have gotten as far as he has. Perhaps he needs a
bit more to distract him..." the noble said, pulling a lever on the side
of the box.
Suddenly, the floor
dropped away beneath the practically helpless thief, revealing a pit filled
with sharpened spikes.
"What's the
meaning of this, Vantys?" the King sputtered.
"Forgive me,
your highness, but I had this little feature added without your knowledge, just
in case," he replied smoothly, continuing to pull levers on the top of the
box.
"We don't want
him dead!" Bastian retorted. "Not yet, not until Xena arrives!"
"The invitations
have already been sent, my king," Vantys pointed out as Auto continued to
bounce back and forth above the deadly trap, only his amazing reflexes and the
women fighting in the other room saved him from plummeting to his death.
"Xena and the other guests will arrive any day now, and, when they do, we
will imprison the Warrior Princess and inform the others of Autolycus' untimely
demise."
King Bastian frowned
and then nodded and proceeded to pull the levers on his side of the control
panel.
---------------------------
Xena picked herself
up off the floor, gingerly rubbing her shoulder where the other woman had
kicked her and sent her flying to the far end of the chamber. "I can see
I'll have to do a bit of cheating of my own," she grinned, pulling her
chakram from her belt. She hurled the razor sharp disc and it sailed the length
of the room, bounced off the far wall and then shot back to the hand of the
Warrior Princess, severing all the ropes in the process and causing Varina to
dive and dodge as the sacks filled with sand which served as the weights
crashed around her.
"Are you
insane?!" she yelped, springing up and grabbing a rope, using herself as a
weight. "They're going to know something is wrong now!"
"So long as
Autolycus fails the test, they won't care," Xena stated, snapping her
chakram back into place. "So, quit wasting your time and..." She
paused and suddenly peered out of the crack which ran the length of the room
and had no doubt allowed the workmen who constructed this chamber to easily
communicate with their fellows out in the main hall and gasped when she saw
that the floor had disappeared.
She jumped over
Varina and grabbed the next rope, pulling it taut and bracing herself as best
she could.
"Now what are
you up to?" Varina demanded, jerking as Auto struck her pole.
"Just shut up
and grab the next rope!" Xena gasped as the rope jumped in her hands.
"Vantys and the King have turned this into a matter of life and death.
And, if anyone is gonna kill Autolycus for all the trouble he's caused with
this caper, it's gonna be me!"
Autolycus was worried
when the floor dropped beneath him. But he was absolutely horrified when all of
the poles dropped away while he was in mid-air. Amazingly, however, a pole
snapped up just in time for him to grab it. Then, the one in front of that did
the same. And the one in front of that. Oh, sure, it was still tricky going and
it certainly took all of his skill not to lose his grip. But he wasn't really
relying on the poles for anything other than the merest touch to further him
along, so it didn't matter too much that they were greased. Now, if he'd needed
to use them to catch his breath by hanging for a few seconds between jumps,
that would have been a real problem.
As Varina jumped to
grab the next rope, she suddenly tripped on one of the sandbags and went
sprawling face first to the floor. Realizing that Auto would try to
nevertheless jump to the next pole, which wouldn't be waiting for him, Xena
quickly jumped up and down, causing the pole attached to her rope to bounce crazily
just as Auto reached it, forcing the thief to wrap his arms and legs around the
pole and hold on for dear life.
Varina quickly gained
her feet and lunged for the next rope. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Xena just grunted and
braced herself, watching through the crack as Auto began to slide off her pole.
But at the last second, just after Varina's pole snapped up, he flipped around
and hurled himself at it, lightly catching it and then sailing to the next, and
final, pole as Xena leaped over Varina and pulled that rope taut.
Autolycus sprang from
the last pole to the platform at the far end of the room and breathed a sigh of
immense relief.
Xena released her
rope and turned to get some answers from Varina, but the other woman had
vanished. "We're not finished, my friend," she promised the empty
room. "Not by a long shot."
---------------------------
"Congratulations,
my boy!" the King said, rushing across the hall over the floor which
Vantys had restored by a pull of another lever. "You've passed the Adoniad
and the wedding to my daughter will take place in three days. How do you
feel?"
"I think I'm
going to be sick," Auto gasped, collapsing as he reached the floor.
"That's hardly
the response I expected," Bastian remarked to Vantys as several of the
palace guards ran up and hauled Autolycus away.
---------------------------
Gabrielle finally
found herself in a situation she thought she would never see. She was in a
grand dinning room, surrounded by some of the best food she had ever seen and
she had very little appetite.
As she picked at the
food on her plate she mentally tried to drown out Princess Damara's continual
gushing over how great a husband Autolycus was going to make.
"Autokins is
going to be so handsome as he stands beside me at the wedding!" Princess
Damara continued. "I will be standing there wearing my mother's wedding
dress and the Star of Arcadia and we will have to have the royal tailor make
something as equally impressive and appropriate for Auto to wear."
`How about a
hangman's noose?' Gabrielle thought sourly.
"You know,
Princess, no matter how impressive my cousin's skills are, there is a chance
that he won't pass this last test," the Bard ventured to say as the
Princess stopped talking for a moment to take a drink of wine.
Princess Damara sat
the goblet of wine down and looked earnestly at Gabrielle.
"Oh, no. Don't
you see? No matter how hard the test, Autokins is bound to succeed! True love
will carry him over any obstacles in his way!"
Gabrielle quickly put
down the honey rich dessert she was about to bite into and settled for taking a
quick gulp of wine to cover her mounting depression on how heartbroken the
Princess was going to be when Autolycus failed the test. `But,' she thought,
`it's been almost a full candle mark since Autolycus and Lord Vantys had left
for the test.'
While Gabrielle had
no idea what the test might entail, she was sure that with Xena stacking the
deck against the King of Thieves he should have failed it by now.
`Uh, oh,' Gabrielle
thought as she saw a nervous servant enter the room and
take his place at the
Princess's side.
"Princess
Damara? Your father wished for me to notify you..."
`Here it comes!'
Gabrielle thought.
"...that
Autolycus has passed all the tests of the Adoniad and will be officially
recognized tomorrow as your fiancé. Your father also wanted me to tell you that
the trial has exhausted Autolycus and asks that you do not try and see him
tonight so that he may get plenty of rest," the servant finished.
Gabrielle was certain
that her jaw hit the table when she heard the news. `What happened to Xena and
the great plan? Where was Xena anyway? Maybe something had happened to her?'
The thoughts whirled through her mind.
Quickly recovering
from the shock, she plastered a smile on her face for the benefit of Damara and
managed to say in a fairly normal voice, "That's great news, Princess. You
and my dear cousin Autolycus can now get married."
Princess Damara
smiled a brilliant smile at Gabrielle and said, "See, I told you. True
love would carry him across any obstacles to be by my side."
Gabrielle, feeling a
sudden wave of nausea, dropped her fork and quickly excused herself on the
grounds that she needed to check on her mother again and left the room.
Princess Damara
looked at the servant who was still standing beside her chair. "Isn't it
sweet how thrilled Mavis is for me and Auto? She can't wait to get back and
tell her mother the good news!"
---------------------------
As Gabrielle marched
back to her room, her thoughts were chasing one another around in her head.
`Where is Xena? What happened to the plan? Ha, I don't even know what the great
plan was. All Xena told me was that she was going to have Autolycus fail the
tests so no one was going to be hurt. Did something come up to make Xena change
her mind about the plan?'
The blonde pulled to
a stop and, turning started to head toward Autolycus' room. "If Autolycus
is only after that stupid gem and is going to crush that poor woman's soul to
get it, I'm going to beat him to a pulp with my staff!" she muttered.
Gabrielle pulled to a
stop again as she realized that she did not have her staff with her. Turning
around, she started for her room again. "I'll get my staff and then go to
Autolycus' room. If anyone sees me, I will simply tell them that I just wish to
'congratulate' my cousin on his success."
She paused in the
hallway and leaned her forehead on the cool stone wall. `Calm down, Gabrielle,'
she thought to herself. `What would Xena do under these conditions? She would
identify what is most important at this moment and deal with that first. Okay
there are still several more days before the wedding, so Autolycus and the
Princess can wait. Xena can take care of herself and I have no idea where she
could be so it would not make sense to look for her, yet! I need to get James
out of the castle before Lord Vantys finds out he is missing and starts to
search for him.'
Having finally made
up her mind on a course of action, Gabrielle started for her room once again.
Reaching her room and
quietly opening the door, Gabrielle suffered a moment of panic when she noticed
that she could not see James anywhere. Seeing the owl asleep on the headboard,
of the bed she walked over and roughly shook the bird awake.
"Where's
James?!"
The owl snorted and
then blinked his large eyes for a second. "Calm down, girly! You are a
bundle of nerves this night!" the owl squeaked at her. "He rolled
under the bed to get some sleep. He figured that if anyone peeked into the room
to see how Philomena was doing, they wouldn't think to look under the
bed."
Gabrielle, dropping
to her knees and looking under the bed, gave a sigh of relief as she saw the
bard James sleeping peacefully on his back. She noticed with respect that James
had one hand on her staff and was ready to defend himself if he needed to.
"James," she called out and watched as his eyes sprang open and he
tightened his hold on the staff. "It's time we got you out of the
castle," she finished.
"Right,"
James said as he slid out from under the bed. "What time is it?"
"Close to middle
of the night, I would think," Gabrielle replied.
"What's been
happening?" he asked idly as he brushed off his clothing.
Deciding that if she
told James about Autolycus and his success at the final test, he would probably
insist that he stay behind to find out what happened to Xena and her plan, she
just said, "I haven't heard anything yet. We need to get you out of here
before Lord Vantys starts to look for you. Having you escape right out from
under his nose, he would probably kill you on sight."
James nodded and
started to make for the door.
"Where are you
going?! There might be someone in the hall and see you!" Gabrielle pointed
out nervously.
"I'm going to
get my things from next door. And, don't worry, Lord Vantys is the only one who
thinks that I'm Inimicles. Anyone else sees me, they'll just think that the
Bard James is back from his exploration of the kingdom," he answered her,
peeking out the door. "While I'm gone, may I suggest that you change your
clothes?"
"What's wrong
with my clothes?" Gabrielle said looking down at herself.
Looking over, James
let out a sigh of appreciation. "Nothing is wrong with them. You look as
breathtakingly beautiful as usual, but if someone sees a woman helping me from
the castle it would be better if they saw an unknown Amazon woman, rather than
Auto's cousin Mavis."
Gabrielle started to
nod her head at his logic, but stopped when she realized that he had just told
her that she was beautiful. She started to say something but James took that
moment to slip out the door. Looking over at the owl, she gestured with her
head at the window. "You go over to James' room, too, while I
change."
The owl hooted a few
times and then flew out the window.
---------------------------
Gabrielle had just
finished putting the pillows under the covers on the bed to simulate the
sleeping forms of herself and Philomena when James reentered her room. Having
changed back into the traveling clothes of her BGSB and her leather skirt, and
having washed all the makeup gunk of Mavis off of her face, she felt more like
her old self than she had for days.
Looking over at
James, she was slightly startled to see him wearing a totally black outfit of
leather. Black leather pants with a black leather vest. Once again she was
reminded of how he slightly resembled the God of War, Ares. The only thing that
ruined the image was the owl sitting on his shoulder. "What are you trying
to do? Scare me to death? If Lord Vantys saw you dressed like that, there would
be no doubt in his mind that you are the warlord Inimicles!"
"He has no
doubts now," James grinned. "Besides, these clothes being black will
make it easier to sneak out of the city," he said as he straightened the
black leather vest with one hand.
Gabrielle, glancing
down at James other hand, saw him holding a very familiar looking grappling
hook and rope. "Where did you get Autolycus' grappling hook?"
James smiled at her
and said, "I decided that hook of Autolycus' was so handy, I went and
found the blacksmith he uses to make them and had one made for me, too."
Nodding at the window, he said, "Shall we?"
Gabrielle was very
surprised at how easy it was to sneak out of the city. As soon as they made it
out of the castle they just walked through the streets until they reached the
gates. As James had predicted, no one knew Gabrielle with her regular Amazon
appearance and no one in the city had much contact with the castle so no one
recognized James either. As they reached the city gates, Gabrielle began
plotting in her mind elaborate schemes for getting out and was shocked when
James just walked up to the guard at the gate.
"Halt! Who goes
there?" the guard shouted as he leapt to his feet (from where he and his
fellow guard had been playing dice).
"The Bard James
and an Amazon warrior," James replied calmly.
Gabrielle once again
felt her jaw fall open.
"State your
business!" the guard told James while peering at Gabrielle in the dim
light in open fascination. While the kingdom of Arcadia was fairly friendly
disposed toward the Amazons, it was very rare to see one there.
"I have been
summoned to perform for Amazon royalty in a few days, so I'm starting out
tonight," James replied, giving his best bored look.
"In the middle
of the night?" The guard asked suspiciously
"It took the
Amazon warrior a few days to find me so I am pressed for time to make the
appointment with the Amazon royalty in time. I will have to travel night and
day to make it as it is now. Would you want to annoy an Amazon royal by being
late?"
The guard who (like
everyone else) had heard stories of what Amazons did to those who displeased
them, shuddered and then shook his head. Glancing once again at the Amazon
standing beside the man, he wondered at her small stature but then, noticing by
the torch light her strong arms and firm abs, decided that she could, in a
fight between him and his fellow guard, probably hold her own. The guard
allowed a quick thought of what else she could probably do with him and his
fellow guard, but wisely kept those thoughts off his face. He had heard Amazons
did not have much of a sense of humor about men thinking those thoughts about
them.
Nodding at his fellow
guard he called out, "Open the gate and allow them to leave."
As Gabrielle walked
out of the gate with James, she couldn't resist looking back and saw the guard
that had talked to them, well, really talked with James, looking at her. As
soon as the guard realized that the Amazon was looking back at him he quickly
averted his eyes and shut the gate.
She heard James
quietly chuckling. "What?" she asked curiously.
"That guard is
probably either going to be bragging to all his friends about being checked out
by an Amazon or be worried that you are going to sneak back into the city and
cut his throat for staring at your butt."
Gabrielle could feel
her face flush in a blush and replied, "He was not staring at my butt.
He'd just never seen an Amazon before and was curious."
Gabrielle could hear
the owl on James' shoulder chuckling and whispering to him, "Yeah,
right!"
To change the
subject, she said, "Well, that was a lot easier than I thought it would
be."
"Yeah, that was
easy. The hard part is going to be you sneaking back into the city without
being seen," James said quietly.
Gabrielle gave a
little start. "I hadn't thought about that," she admitted.
After walking through
the countryside, the trio reached the forest, and, after a bit of searching,
found a good camping spot for James. Once she had made sure he had everything
he needed, Gabrielle tried to convince the bard to go back to the XenaVerse
Complex, but James had point blank refused to leave until he knew that
Gabrielle, Xena, and Autolycus were safe, too. She was slightly suspicious when
he said that he also had some unfinished business to take care of in the city
after Autolycus failed the last test of the Adoniad.
"You're sure
you'll be all right out here?" she asked as she and the owl prepared to
return to Megalopolis.
"I love camping.
I'll be fine," he assured her. "You just be careful sneaking back into
the city and the castle."
"I will,"
she promised, stepping close and hugging him. "See you in a few days at
most."
He hugged her back
and nodded. "And you keep out of trouble, too," he told the owl.
The bird just
chuckled and settled himself on the Bard's shoulder as she turned to go.
Gabrielle was
surprised and made a mental note to tell James when she saw him again that it
was even easier to sneak back in than it was to get out. All she did was wait
until there was a change of guard and then using, his own trick, simply knocked
on the gate and told the new guards that she was an Amazon scout sent to find a
bard named James in the city. They let her in without any problems, not wanting
to anger the Amazon Nation.
"That was a
snap," she grinned as the owl, who had flown over the wall, landed on her
shoulder.
"We're not back
to your room yet," the bird reminded her.
Gabrielle shrugged
and headed for the castle.
---------------------------
Xena spent several
candle marks looking for Autolycus' mysterious female accomplice before
admitting that the woman had made a clean escape. Then, having nothing else to
do, she decided to return to she and Gabrielle's room and let her companion
know what was going on (And also get some sleep; Xena would never admit it to
anyone but she was more tired than she could ever remember being. Keeping
Autolycus alive through the last test had really been physically exhausting).
Sneaking through the
castle hallways, she made it to the room without being seen and made her way in
the darkness to the bed. Xena quickly determined that Gabrielle was not in it,
finding only some extra pillows piled underneath the covers. Lighting a candle,
Xena checked the room for signs of violence and relaxed when she realized that
Gabrielle's Amazon traveling clothes were missing. `Gabrielle must have had
some reason to sneak into the city for something. But she better have a good
explanation for me when she gets back!' Xena thought to herself.
Leaving the candle
burning for Gabrielle for when she got back, Xena removed her clothing and
slipped into a sleeping shift. Pushing the extra pillows out of the way, she
slid under the blankets and fell into a deep sleep.
---------------------------
Gabrielle, making her
way along the castle walls in the very early morning gloom, was pleased to see
that the rope that they had used to climb down from her room was still in
place.
"See? No
problem," she told the owl on her shoulder. "Now, why don't you go to
James' room and get some sleep and I'll see you for breakfast later."
The bird fluffed his
feathers indignantly. "Be sure you don't forget me. I'm already feeling
peckish," he remarked as he flew up toward the bard's room.
Gabrielle just
laughed softly and shook her head as she climbed up the rope and onto the
window ledge.
Entering her room,
she didn't notice that there was now a candle burning low; she was so tired the
only thoughts she had were to get out of her clothes and get some sleep before
morning and wondering what could have happened to Xena. Removing her clothes,
she sat down on the bed and allowed her fears about what might have happened to
the Warrior Princess to roar to the front of her mind. "Tartarus!"
Gabrielle finally cried out loud. "Why can't she let me know what is going
on!" She punched in frustration at one of the pillows under the covers on
the bed.
Xena shot out from
under the blankets, rubbing her butt where Gabrielle had punched it, and
quickly took a defensive posture on the other side of the bed. Blinking in the
dim light of the room, a very surprised and startled Xena and Gabrielle looked
at each other.
"Where have you
been??" they both asked each other at the same time.
---------------------------
Autolycus' eyes
snapped open and the darkness of his room confirmed that it was not yet dawn. But
he noticed that his chambers also contained darkness of a decidedly different
nature, an almost palpable evil. He carefully reached for the small dagger he
wore in his belt, which was currently hanging on the bedpost with the rest of
his clothing. To his dismay, it wasn't there.
"Not looking for
this, are you?" asked a familiar, mocking voice.
"Discord,"
the thief sighed as the Goddess caused the candle on the table next to his bed
to flare into life. "I was hoping you'd gone."
"Fat
chance," the black-clad woman laughed, casually flipping the blade at
Auto. It struck the bedpost inches from his head. "I've been watching and
enjoying the show. Oh, congratulations on passing the Adoniad."
"Thanks,"
the King of Thieves gulped, reaching up and pulling the knife free.
"Of course, I
should probably really be thanking Varina, and Xena, too, for that
matter," she said nonchalantly.
"What are you
talking about?" he demanded.
"Oh, let's face
it, stud, if it hadn't been for Varina, you'd have done Xena without a second
thought to the Star of Arcadia. And, if she hadn't switched inkbottles on Lord
Vantys and then distracted the guard outside your room, you never would have
passed the second test, either. And," the cruel Goddess continued with
eager malice, "it took both of them working together to make sure you
survived the last one. You really are past your prime, Autolycus."
"Past my prime,
am I?" the man shot back, his brown eyes blazing and his upper lip curled
fiercely. "We'll see who's past his prime when I walk out of here with the
Star of Arcadia in three days!"
"And what about
your friends?" Discord giggled. "Are you really prepared to leave
them to King Bastian's tender mercies? You saw how he planned to deal with you,
what do you think he'll do to your guests?"
"What do you
expect me to do? Marry Damara?" he yelped.
"Frankly, I
don't care what you do," the Goddess chuckled. "No matter what you
decide, you've doomed either your reputation or your friends. I just wanted to
remind you of that."
"I very much
doubt that," the man said quietly.
"Okay, you're
right, I've also got some unfinished business with James," she conceded.
She then glanced over and saw that the sun was just coming up over the horizon,
bathing the room in a pinkish glow. "Speaking of which, I need to go. You
have a nice day, now, Autokins."
Her cackling lingered
for a few moments after her form had disappeared from view, leaving the weary
thief more worried than he cared to admit.
---------------------------
Arriving in the great
hall for breakfast, Autolycus immediately noticed the conspicuous absence of
his friend and the Goddess' words came back to haunt him. Spotting Xena and
Gabrielle, both in full costume as his aunt and cousin, he made his way over to
them. Xena was chatting amiably with Queen Lena and practically ignored
him--Except for a quick peck on the cheek and a rushed "Good morning,
sunshine"--but Gabrielle was piling food on a plate and humming softly to
herself.
"Good morning,
cousin," she smiled. "And congratulations."
"Whatever. Have
you seen James?" he asked brusquely.
"Don't worry,
he's fine," she assured him, licking some syrup from her fingers.
"You're
positive?" he pressed.
"I just saw him
last night. He's hiding out in the woods until we leave since Lord Vantys is
convinced that he's really Inimicles," she explained.
"Last
night?!" Auto yelped. Noticing everyone was staring at him, he shrugged
and playfully hit Gabrielle on the arm. "My cousin. Heh. She's quite the
little kidder." The others went back to eating and talking quietly and
Autolycus hissed, "I spoke to Discord this morning and she said she had
some unfinished business with James!"
"Maybe I should
go and make sure he's all right..." the Bard suggested.
"You
think?" Auto said mockingly.
"I'll slip out
after breakfast and be back before the ceremony at noon," she whispered,
ignoring his jibe.
"There you are,
Autolykissiepooh!" Damara's musical voice echoed throughout the hall,
causing the thief's face to turn bright red.
"Good morning to
you, Damar...awesome," he replied, lightly elbowing a giggling Gabrielle
in the ribs as the Princess approached.
"I'm so proud of
you," Damara smiled, kissing him full on the lips and with such heat that
it took Auto completely by surprise.
"Darling, there
are others here," he reminded her, when she finally released him.
"So? We're
officially engaged now, my dearest Autokins. Will any here tell me I cannot
kiss my future husband?" she challenged, looking about the room. The King
seemed uncomfortable, and so did Lord Vantys. Queen Lena scowled slightly, but
then shrugged and resumed talking to Xena. "You see. Public displays of
affection are no longer forbidden between us."
Autolycus smiled,
fingering his mustache. "In that case, let's try that kiss again,
Princess," he said, pulling her to him and kissing her like she'd never
been kissed before.
"Autolycus, a
word, if you please," Lord Vantys said after the kiss had gone on for over
a minute. "Now, sir."
The King of Thieves
reluctantly broke off the kiss and, as he walked towards the obviously irate
noble, said offhandedly to Gabrielle, "Catch her."
"What?"
questioned the Bard. "Catch who?" At that moment, however, Princess
Damara swooned and Gabrielle dropped her plate and barely caught her before she
hit the ground.
"What is it,
Vanty?" Auto sighed, pulling a chair around and straddling it in an
obviously impatient gesture.
"The name is
Vantys, Lord Vantys, as you well know," he said through tightly clenched
teeth.
"Yeah, so? Is
that what you had to talk to me about?" Auto demanded, making as if to
rise.
"No. I wanted to
inform you that this entire wedding has been nothing more than an elaborate
charade to trap your friend Xena, the Warrior Princess. There was never the
remotest possibility that you would be allowed to marry the Princess," he
hissed.
"I've known that
for quite a while now," Auto nodded casually. "But, why are you
telling me this? And, more importantly, why now?"
"You
knew?!" Vantys sputtered. Auto again nodded. He fought to control his rage
and answered, "Because if you break it off with the Princess and leave
this kingdom forever, today, this minute, I give you my word and I swear on
Zeus' sacred lightning bolts that no one will stop you or harm you, or any of your friends." He stressed
the word `any' in such a way as to leave exactly whom he meant in no doubt.
"What do you say?"
Auto studied him for
a moment and then shook his head. "I say you're pathetic, Vanty. You know
you can't compete with me for the Princess' affections, so you come up with
this scheme to get rid of me. No doubt planning to be there to `comfort' her
once I've dumped her. I've got news for you, buddy boy, even with me gone, even
if I hurt her, she'll never be interested in a spineless piece of dryad dung
like you," he scoffed.
"But you don't
love her!" snarled Vantys, careful to keep his voice low and a smile on
his face. "You're only after the Star of Arcadia, and you bloody well know
it!" Then, a strange glint shone in the noble's dark eyes. "What if I
give it to you?"
"What?"
Auto questioned.
"The Star of
Arcadia. If I give it to you will you go away? Right now, this very day?"
he asked desperately.
Autolycus chuckled.
"Oh, Vanty, you just don't get it, do you? Merely possessing the star
isn't the point. It's the boldness and the seeming impossibility of the theft
that lured me here in the first place," he explained, standing up and
placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "So, thanks, but no
thanks."
"You'll never
get the star, Autolycus," he said, slapping the hand away. "I swear
it."
"That's just
what I'm counting on," the thief grinned.
---------------------------
Cretius, drill
instructor and captain of the royal guard of Arcadia, was not a happy man.
First, the court dandy Vantys had told him that the hated Warlord Inimicles was
in the palace but, because of some court intrigues, that Cretius could not get
his revenge on the Warlord and now he had to deal with orders from the castle
to stay in a heightened state of security. As Cretius had tried to explain to
Lord Vantys, it was not a good idea to keep your troops at a high level of
security for too long a length of time. With the troops keyed up for too long a
time with nothing happening it tended to actually make them more lax than they
normally would have been.
"But orders are
orders," thought Cretius as he made his rounds around the city walls.
While dawn had only broken a few candlemarks ago, much of the city was already
moving about. Farmers leaving the city to tend to their fields and merchants
entering the city to sell their wares.
Reaching the main
gate of the city, he saw that the guards assigned to watch the gate were paying
little attention to the people entering and leaving and were actually playing
dice against the wall while the gates stood wide open unattended.
"What do you
think you're doing?!" Cretius roared as he reached the guards. "You
were given orders to watch the gates at all times for the arrival of the
Warrior Princess, Xena!" Cretius yelled into the unlucky man's face he had
picked up by his shirt.
"Oh, come on,
Cretius," one of the other guards said. "It's not like the Warrior
Princess is just going to stroll through the gates into our arms!"
It was really a shame
that none of them had been paying attention to the gates in question or they
would have seen a tall, menacing looking woman with black hair and blue eyes
enter the city. The woman was wearing black leather and had a large sword on
her back. She paused at the city gates and watched the oblivious guards arguing
for a moment and then, making a waving motion to someone outside the city walls
to hurry up, she strolled on into the city and was soon quickly lost in the
early morning crowds.
Cretius finished
berating the guards—And had mentally made a note to remember their names for
some demeaning duties later for punishment—And turned away from them to face
the gates in time to see a man wearing a motley collection of armor trip and
fall on his face just inside the gates. A ludicrously large helmet fell off the
man's head and rolled over to bounce lightly against Cretius' armored boot.
The old soldier shook
his head and, bending over, picked up the silly looking helmet, and then,
walking over to the fallen man, helped him to his feet and handed him his
helmet back.
"Careful there,
young man. Here is your, um, helmet back. What are you doing in the city of
Megalopolis?"
Joxer took the helmet
from Cretius without looking at him and said, "Who wants to know?"
Then, glancing at the obvious fighting man, he quickly added, "I mean, I
would like to know who to thank for helping me to my feet."
"I am Cretius,
Commander of the Royal Guard. And who might you be?" Cretius answered him.
"I am Joxer.
Joxer the Mighty! No doubt you have heard of me?" Joxer boasted as he
puffed his chest out.
"No, can't say
that I have," Cretius said, already dismissing the man from his thoughts
as he planned the punishment for the lax guards.
As Cretius started to
move off Joxer reached out and grabbed his arm. "Can you tell me the way
to the castle?"
Cretius looked at the
offending hand on his arm and then pointed at the large castle sitting on a
hill in the center of the city. "It's not exactly hard to find. What
business do you have at the castle?" Cretius asked, not really interested.
"We are to meet
my good friends, Xena and Gabrielle, at the castle. We're going there for the
wedding of our friend, Autolycus!" Joxer boasted, wondering if he should
have emphasized a little harder how good friends he was with Xena.
Cretius glanced
sharply at the man and then dismissed the thought that such a buffoon could be
friends with a warrior like Xena. "It makes me no difference, but I would
not be telling stories like that at the castle. Xena is not well liked in this
city," Cretius said roughly and then walked off.
Joxer looked after
the guard for a moment and then rushed into the crowds. Reaching the nearest
tavern, he quickly stuck his head into the doorway and looked around. Spotting
who he was looking for, he quickly made his way to the back of the tavern where
the dark haired warrior woman was sitting with her leg propped lazily up on the
table.
"Meg, I think
something is not quite right here! Have you noticed anything odd about the
people here?"
Meg, who had been drinking
some wine and watching the early morning breakfast crowd, looked over at Joxer.
"Will ya just sit down and relax, Joxy? The people here are fine. They
served me right off and then moved away so I could enjoy my wine in
peace."
Joxer, looking around
the tavern, watched as people watching Meg warily slowly got up from the chairs
and quietly made their way out of the tavern. Within a matter of moments he and
Meg were the only people left in the tavern.
"I think you
wearing Xena's costume was a big mistake," Joxer said with a nervous look.
"Ya didn't think
so last night? Did ya, Joxy?" Meg said with a snort and then a lewd wink.
Joxer blushed and
looked around to see if anyone had heard but they were alone.
"Are you sure
Autolycus asked you to wear Xena's costume for the wedding?" Joxer asked
sitting down on the bench next to Meg.
"Joxy, I told
you. I first got a message by pigeon express thingy that gave both of us this
invite thing for the swanky wedding and then a messenger showed up with another
scroll from Autostinky asking me to wear this costume as a joke for the
wedding," Meg said and then took another slurp of her wine.
"What did this
messenger look like?" Joxer asked as he picked up a full mug of wine from
another table and took a sip.
"Aw, she was a
short thing wearing black leather and had a mouth full of white teeth. Kind of
cute." Meg paused for a moment with a thoughtful look. "Ya know, she
would have fitted in real well with the rest of the girls at the tavern. I
should have offered her a job. Have to pay better than being a messenger. She
would have worked real well with the tie-me-up-and-whip-me crowds."
Joxer looked
thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged. "What else did the scroll
say?"
"It said that
Autostinky wants us to sneak into the castle and surprise everyone inside. Says
it will be a great joke."
Joxer shook his head
a little and then just said, "Well, if that's what Auto wants, I guess he
knows what's best."
---------------------------
Lord Vantys was
fuming alone in his room. He would pace to one side of the large richly
decorated room and then pace back to the other side. Not only had Autolycus
admit that he was only interested in the Star of Arcadia but he as much dared
Vantys to do something about it.
Vantys paused for a
moment as though there was something he was supposed to be doing but had
forgotten it. Concentrating for a moment, he remembered that he was supposed to
take some food to the Warlord Inimicles in the dungeon. "Let him starve to
death! That will show Autolycus!" But after a moment, Lord Vantys shook
his head and decided he would get some food and feed Inimicles. After all, the
look on Autolycus' face when he presented the warlord for execution at the
wedding would be worth it.
Opening the door to his
chamber rooms he almost plowed into an old servant woman that was standing
outside his door. "Get out of my way, old woman!" he growled.
"Beg pardon,
Lord Vantys," the old woman said, lowering her head. "So many people
up and about this morning. First the Bard James and now you..."
Lord Vantys started
to brush his way past the woman but then stopped in his tracks. "What did
you say?!"
"I saw the Bard
James come in late last night and go to his room and then leave again with a
lovely young woman," the servant said with a mischievous smile.
"What did this
woman look like?" Lord Vantys said, grabbing the old woman by the arms and
shaking her slightly.
The woman did not
even flinch but continued to smile. "She had beautiful red gold hair and
was dressed in Amazon clothing. They left the city and headed out into the
forest, I think."
Lord Vantys let out a
loud curse and raced to check the dungeon. As soon as he was out of sight, the
old woman disappeared in a flash of light and was replaced by the laughing
Goddess Discord.
"Deal with that,
Xena!" Discord laughed and then, suddenly stopping, she frowned.
"Tartarus! I gave that mortal idiot the description of Gabrielle as she
normally looks, not the way she's disguised! Oh, well, the centaur dung is
going to hit the wall anyway when he finds James again. Crank up Vantys'
emotions a touch more and he'll have James killed on sight! That is, if James
doesn't agree to serve Ares." Discord gave another smile and then vanished
again in a flash of light.